Now there are those young women who view love, compassion, respect, and kindness toward their older partners significant in order to make a relationship work, that is when they receive such positive behaviors in return. However, older women who have been in marriages 10 plus years with partners who are seniors (and not coping so well with midlife) know better that there are days when being nice, patient, and sweet is not what they would say about them. "He has his days," says one unnamed older woman. But in all fairness, women have their days too at any age, but this post isn't about them. So we will stick to discussing those issues that young women have with their older partners maturing.
One young lady reached out to me about a year ago complaining about the lack of sex in her relationship and she was disappointed that her partner wanted less sex. There was an age difference of 16 years from what I recall. Then another woman said the same thing about her older partner and then another and another with one sharing quite boldly, "There was no sex and she was considering on having an affair." What the? I started thinking there was an epidemic-- little or no sex!? Now in each situation, the men didn't express any emotional or physical problems to their partners, but with the sheer amount of advertising for male supplements, it is safe to say a lot is going on with men like women.
Think about this, if an older guy expects a young, attractive woman with a healthy sex drive to be celibate in a marriage or committed relationship while claiming there is nothing wrong with him, someone is asking for trouble. The cover up is to blame the woman for everything that is wrong. "We didn't get along...Your mother was difficult. She had problems. She didn't want sex. I tried to be affectionate, but she didn't respond." says dad/uncle/friend. When the truth is the old guy wasn't putting out--taking care of his woman and she reached that point of frustration where she just couldn't take the b.s. any longer! Just be honest. Throw in cheating on the lady and it doesn't help matters, because the old guy will soon discover he doesn't have it going on with the new gal either!
For years, a male relative blamed all the women who came and went out of his life for the relationship's demise, but we knew he was the problem. There were old, young, light, dark, tall, skinny, fat, from city to country, with children and without--a lot of women. As children we called them, "Ms. or Miss..." He dressed up his problem with designer suits. He detailed his cars to lure women. He took the women to nice places and traveled with them. And he still couldn't keep any for long until he got older and played the "poor old guy" card with one gullible, young woman. She stuck around for less than 10 years and played nurse to him for a small stipend. Eventually his young partner became very ill herself and passed away. The moral to that story I had learned was don't ever assume that because you are younger you will outlive your gentleman friend.
Some older men will complain like older women about not being in the mood. Understandably so. The aging process is hellish for some couples especially when they don't take care of themselves like: forgetfulness, chronic pain, mood swings, irritability, impatience, anger outbursts, etc. But my question to older men, who know they have issues, why rob a young woman of her youthfulness just to temporarily feel good while telling the guys, "Hey I got a young wife/girlfriend/mistress?" Act wise and let her go freely rather than act selfishly. As I said in a past blog entry, sooner or later that young lady will wake up to the truth and when she does, she will resent you for the false promises, lies, and other things you claimed you could do for her, but chose not to.
Don't wonder why the following occurs in an age gap relationship: increase in arguing with the young lady, anger because you don't like to do much, eye rolls from her family, the sudden rise of tension between what use to be a happy couple, and the mean-spiritedness she has toward you that seems to appear out of thin air with no rhyme or reason. Getting older is the last thing a young woman is thinking about, but when she is paired with an older man who is slowly or rapidly changing, it forces her to face something she rather not. "Where did time go?" she thinks. "And what was I thinking getting involved with an older man? I should have listened to my parents...grandparents...friends!" Now off she goes hoping/wishing/waiting for anyone or anything to make her feel young and beautiful again. Note: All young women don't run to the arms of younger men.
When age related symptoms start growing like weeds and the one with the most issues chooses to do nothing about them, expect to get what you pay or don't pay for--problems. The idea that someone is getting older affects all who are close to them. Think of how it made you feel to see your parents, siblings, and other relatives age, what might the young lady be going through? Are you making it any easier for her to adjust?
Nicholl McGuire
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