When You Discover a Date Has a Girlfriend

The news can be disheartening; a man you like has a girlfriend. The heart aches; the breathing is heavy, and the desire to pay this man back for lying to you increases with each passing moment. But before one plans her next strategy, be grateful that you know. Now is the time to start thinking about what you can do to make yourself feel at peace once again.

First, take a moment to undo everything in your mind you thought you knew about the person you have been dating. He obviously liked you a lot because he lied about having a girlfriend. But that doesn’t mean, that he is still an honest, kind, sweetheart of a man. Instead, you have discovered he is a liar, not as nice as you originally thought and is selfish. The likelihood that he is going to treat you like he did his girlfriend in the future is probable. Once the newness of the relationship wears off with you, he will be out pretending to be single with someone else.

Second, confront this man on his lies, but not in a way that shows him you still care about him. You will need to cry your eyes out privately, have your grieving moment out of the way, before you get to the point that you can give him a cold stare and speak your truth. So what might you say? Express your feelings and tell him what you want to do i.e.) break up, date others, move on with your life, etc.

Third, make no apologies and keep feelings of guilt far away. It isn’t necessary to apologize for any emotional outburst, cursing, or anything else—you are angry and you have every right to feel this way. You were deceived by someone you trusted and you will need to share your disappointment with him and a supportive friend. But what you don’t want to do is make yourself so sick about the matter that you end up doing something so bad that you might go to jail.

Fourth, fight the temptation to stalk the man and his girlfriend. Although hurt feelings will make you think about doing some strange things, don’t feed into them. Even if the girlfriend is aware that you exist, she will have to go through her own personal trials too. She may or may not break up with him. Depending on how long they have been together, she just might stick it out with your date. So if the plan is to tell the girlfriend everything you know about her man, stop, it just might draw them closer.

Lastly, don’t be available to him sexually, physically, or any way that keeps you hanging on to him. Unfortunately, there are far too many people who enjoy using others to get their personal needs met. If the man suspects that you are still weak for him then he will take advantage of whatever you are willing to give him. So when he and his girlfriend have a fight, he might come to you for sex like he has always done. If he needs some money, wants to drive your car or stay at your home, he will boldly ask because he feels that now that you know he has a girlfriend, you will be okay with it. In time, you will grow weary of being used and will find yourself giving him an ultimatum.

Nicholl McGuire provides web content to individuals and businesses.  To learn more, visit

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