A age gap dating advice blog that provides valuable tips when dating older men and younger women. Thought-provoking relationship tips for older men seeking to date younger women. Please be advised to seek a professional for serious issues. Contributors are not all licensed or trained in relationship counseling. This blog is not for people under the age of 18.
Saturday
Thursday
Sad Reality: Young Partners Will Lose Interest Over Time
However, his younger partner began to lose interest in him. She told him that her reasons weren't anything to do with his age, but John could tell that it was a big part of it. He was heartbroken that things hadn't worked out, but he knew that it was for the best. He decided to take some time for himself and focus on his own happiness. Age is often a factor when it comes to younger people's choices in relationships and John was grateful that he had realized this before it was too late.
According to a study by the University of Utah, couples with a five-year age difference between them are 18% more likely to divorce than couples who are the same age. Couples with a 10-year age difference are 39% more likely to divorce, while those with a 20-year age difference have a 95% greater chance of divorcing.
So it seems that, yes, age gaps can be associated with increased odds of divorce. However, it's important to keep in mind that these are just statistical averages and there are many happy,long-lasting age gap marriages out there.bIf you're in an age gap relationship and are concerned about the possibility of breaking up, separation, or divorce, simply talk to your partner about it and see how they feel. Chances are, if you're both committed to each other, your age difference won't be an issue.
So why was John choosing to date younger in the first place? There are plenty of reasons why older people date younger people. Here are just a few:
1. They're more energetic. Let's face it, as we get older we tend to slow down a bit. That's why dating someone who is young and full of energy can be such a breath of fresh air.
2. They have a different perspective on life. Younger people are often more open-minded and willing to try new things than those who are older. This can make for some really exciting dates!
3. They're less set in their ways. Older people often have a lot of set ideas about how they want things to be done, a younger person still has a lot to learn about life and tends not to be as rigid.
Midlife can be challenging for anyone. John had to deal with the sadness of his partner no longer being interested in him, while also trying to maintain his own happiness. It's important to focus on self-care during these times and not prey on youthful partners to make one happy. Sometimes you are able to find someone closer to your age with similar interests, attractive and energetic if you are willing to go the extra mile starting with you! Taking the time for self can be rejuvenating and can allow for greater personal growth.
On Dating an Aging Narcissist
As we get older, we often become more set in our ways. We know what we like and what we don't like, and we can be very stubborn about changing our minds. This can be a good thing in many ways, but it can also make us more resistant to new ideas and experiences.
This can be especially true for the narcissist. As they age, narcissists can become even more obsessed with their own image and their need for admiration and attention. They may become more critical and judgmental of others, and less able to see things from another person's perspective.
This can make dating a narcissist a challenge, especially if there is a significant age gap between you. Here are some things to keep in mind if you find yourself in this situation.
1. Don't take what they say personally.
The narcissist's need for admiration and attention is not about you. It's about them. They may try to draw you into their world and make you feel like you are the only one who matters, but ultimately, they matter and only they.
2. Be prepared for manipulation.
Narcissists are master manipulators. They will try to control and manipulate you to get what they want. Be aware of their tactics and don't let yourself be drawn into their web.
3. Set boundaries.
Narcissists often have a sense of entitlement and can be very demanding. It's important to set boundaries with them and stick to them. Otherwise, they will take advantage of you.
4. Don't get drawn into their drama.
Narcissists love drama. They thrive on it. Don't get caught up in their games and don't let them use you as a pawn in their dramas.
5. Be assertive.
Narcissists often try to control and dominate others. It's important to be assertive with them and stand up for yourself. Otherwise, they will walk all over you.
6. Don't take their criticism personally.
Narcissists are quick to criticize and find fault with others. It's important not to take their criticism personally. If you do, you will become defensive, and they will use your defensive reactions to control and manipulate you.
7. Don't try to change them.
Narcissists are who they are, and they are not going to change. Don't waste your time and energy trying to change them. It's a fruitless endeavor.
8. Accept them for who they are.
Narcissists are who they are and there is nothing you can do about it. The best thing you can do is accept them for who they are and try to make the best of the situation or walk away and never look back!
9. Don't try to reason with them.
Narcissists are not reasonable people. They will never see your point of view or understand your logic. Trying to reason with them is also a fruitless effort.
10. Set boundaries and stick to them.
Narcissists will try to push your boundaries. They will test you to see how far they can go. It is important that you set boundaries and stick to them. Otherwise, the narcissist will take advantage of you.
11. Don't take their bait.
As mentioned earlier, narcissists are master manipulators. They will try to bait you into arguments and fights. They will try to get a rise out of you. Don't take the bait! Keep your cool and don't let them control you with their games.
12. Don't try to make them love you.
Narcissists are who they are, and love is not what is on their minds when they are involved with you, rather they are more concerned about how you might benefit them financially and sexually. So, if you think you can somehow buy them everything they want and they will eventually come to love you, that's not happening! You can't buy love especially when a narcissist has no love to give. Don’t waste your time and energy trying to get something from a narcissist that they are incapable of giving. It’s a lost cause.
13. Be prepared for the worst.
Narcissists can be very cruel and abusive. They may say and do things that hurt you deeply. It is important that you be prepared for the worst. Have a support system in place so that you can get help if you need it.
14. You may have to leave.
If the narcissist is being abusive, you may have to leave the relationship. It is important to have a safety plan in place so that you can get out quickly and safely if you need to.
15. It's not your fault.
Narcissists can be very convincing. They may try to make you believe that it is your fault that they are the way they are. It is important to remember that it is not your fault. You did not choose to be in a relationship with a narcissist. You are not responsible for their behavior.
Remember when dating a narcissist, he will be difficult and challenging at times. Second, narcissists age just like everyone else – which means they may become even more difficult to deal with as they get older. Finally, if you are dating a narcissist, it is important to remember that you are not responsible for their behavior. Here are a few more tips on dating an aging narcissist:
Be prepared for difficult conversations. As narcissist ages, they may become even more difficult to deal with. This means that you need to be prepared for challenging conversations. Be patient and try to understand where they are coming from, even if it is frustrating.
Take care of yourself first. It is important to remember that you are not responsible for the narcissist’s behavior. This means that you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. Make sure to set boundaries and stick to them.
Seek help if needed. If you find yourself struggling to deal with the narcissist, it is important to seek out help from a professional. This can be vital in helping you to deal with the situation in a healthy way.
Wednesday
So Who's the Old Guy? Personal Experience Dating Older Men
I was that relative showing up at
the holiday event with the old guy, seen walking with the old guy, and at the
club with the old guy years ago. So, the family didn't like that too
much. "Why are you with that older man? You are too young for
him. What do you see in him? What does he see in you? Oh, you
got daddy issues!" Wow! Thanks so much fam, for the
support!
It wasn't that the old guy or
guys (there was more than one) were seniors who were leaned over in walkers,
farting, and scratching their rears! They were in their 40s (one in his
50s), professionals, dressed well, and had all their senses about them. I
was in my 20s at the time and yes, a head-turner.
I liked dating those guys, I
liked their presence, the way they moved. They were mature, kind,
generous, and took their time about things. They weren't in a rush to do
everything under the sun, they weren't silly men, and they weren't ugly.
They were friendly and I liked friendly. I talked to just about anyone at
that time in my life. I like good conversation, so hey, they were around,
I was around and so let's get the party started! But that was then....
What have I learned since then
when one brings the old guy here there and everywhere? Your family has a
point. You weren't expecting that, huh? Do you really know the older
guy and what exactly he wants with you? Do you truly understand what
might the future hold if you should get pregnant, get married, and how deep the
rabbit hole goes with his past? Can you handle all of what comes with him
or many hims in your 20s? Looking back, had those men not shielded me
from their demons, the answer would be, "No!" They gave me the
g-rated version of themselves because simply put, they were involved with me
for a good time. I wasn't the future. I was in the meantime.
Let me say that again, in the meantime!
What I discovered in our talks
was that there was a wife, a mistress, ex-girlfriends, and women who had been
in their lives who had only wanted friendship and so those ladies got away
without giving them a single kiss. I would later discover for good
reasons. Those friendly, older men didn't want to be faithful, they
didn't want to spend money, they didn't want children, they didn't want to be
honest with themselves much less anyone else, they didn't want to be going
places, all they really wanted was a "I want it now"
experience!
Well, I was in my 20s (young, dumb,
and full of...) and I too just wanted an "in the meantime"
experience, because the truth was, I really didn't know exactly what I wanted
in a relationship. It just seemed fun shrouding my mind with mystery
about Bobby, Ronnie, Ricky, and Mike--lol and I didn’t think I was
"Poison" at the time. I mean that
girl might be “poison,” because you couldn't get the upper hand on her and you
and the crew couldn’t do her, but I digress.
I just liked being in the
moment and guessing what was behind door number 3 back in the 90s when issues
with these "old fools" would arise as my family would put it.
Ignoring all red flag warning signs, operating on cruise control, I saw that
their traffic was showing up in my life, uh oh, turn off cruise control to
avoid a wreck! My turning off cruise control was just not calling back,
no longer accepting invites, declining gifts, and moving on to the next one who
might be better than the last.
I wasn't interested in learning
the answer to "why" I dated older in my youth, I just liked doing it
until I didn't. I started connecting the dots much later in life.
Since then, I wrote Say
Goodbye to Dad, Laboring
to Love an Abusive Mate, Socially
Sweet Privately Cruel Abusive Men, and Laboring
to Love Myself for good reasons. I began to connect with my
spiritual self and realized the importance of having a faith and why it is
crucial early on in life to maintain it so that one isn't here, there, and
everywhere--no matter the age!
So, who really was the old guy or
guys who were either invited or randomly showing up in my life? They were
extensions of an old me, who wanted to become a new me, but wasn't quite sure
how to go about it between all the distractions.
Upon closer inspection of these
older men and what they had going on or not, they represented what I wanted for
me! I wanted a car back then, but I had no driver's license, so they were
all-too willing to drive me. But that's not what I needed--I needed a
teacher. I wanted money, lots of it, and they were willing to buy me a
dinner here and a movie ticket there, but they weren't going to pay my
bills. What I needed was a career coach. They were creative and
some were handy. Nice compliments to my lifestyle, but it didn't hurt to
learn a trade or two so I could fix my own stuff.
A couple of older men already
had families that they were supposedly responsible for (so why be out in those
streets)? I didn't need to involve myself in their family dramas, I just
needed to continue to read about marriage and family in the quiet of my
place.
You see, the dating older, at
least for me, was much deeper than it appeared to be. I hadn't put it
altogether at that time in my life because I simply didn't know what was
happening with me or them. Then I also learned they were having a
mid-life crisis even though they wouldn't dare say so. They were still
trying to figure out what they wanted at that time in their lives; oftentimes
they weren't all that happy about where they were in life. I was somehow
a vision/fantasy/a goal of what they had yet to accomplish in life or in some
cases they had not come to terms with their youthful passions were officially over.
My youth was still very much
alive and thriving and that’s what those older guys back then wanted for
themselves again. One said, "I made him feel alive
again..." Another one said, "I feel like I am back in high
school again." Another guy said, "I'll leave my wife for
you!" What!? My energy was what they remembered from
yesteryear. My drive to win at whatever I was doing professionally made
them feel like they could do some things differently in their lives including a
few pursuing other careers and making more money based on my suggestions.
They lived vicariously through me when I performed (I had my own poetry group
and I acted part-time). I talked about what my next moves were back in
college including moving out of state to pursue a career in journalism, and why
I enjoyed what I did at the time. So, I was not only "cute, beautiful,
gorgeous, energetic, fun, cool to be around," they would say, but I had a
lot going on in my young life.
So, the next time you or
someone you know starts that conversation with, "Who's the old guy?"
Just say, "He's a part of me in the meantime." If they don't
get it, no need to explain. Looking back at young me and giving her a bit of advice,
I wouldn't say why are you dating these old guys, rather I would say,
"Let's get this guy to either teach you how to drive or pay for
lessons. Let's get that other guy to hook you up with some names and
numbers to help you get a better job. And your other friend, well girlfriend,
don't continue to befriend him, he already got what you are trying to get one
day, marriage and family. Don’t waste
your time with people seeking vain pursuits!"
When you discover that the old
guy is you, it's time to rediscover who exactly you want to become by putting
off the old guy and putting on the new you!
Nicholl McGuire is the owner
and contributor to this blog. Learn more here.