A age gap dating advice blog that provides valuable tips when dating older men and younger women. Thought-provoking relationship tips for older men seeking to date younger women. Please be advised to seek a professional for serious issues. Contributors are not all licensed or trained in relationship counseling. This blog is not for people under the age of 18.
Tuesday
Monday
Saturday
Disgruntled Ex, Unhappy Dating Younger, Older
They don't like it, they despise it, exes angry that their former partners have moved on with someone younger. They thought that the marriage or relationship was going to last, "meant to be" and then things changed. Now exes are disgruntled, jealous, and even plotting revenge! How does someone in an age gap relationship handle an ex along with the family members and mutual friends who support him or her?
You will need to make it clear you are no longer interested in a relationship with an ex. Some people just don't give up easy, so they will beg, plead, or even make a nuisance of themselves with "Remember when..." stories and "You know you still love me" types of phrases. Yet, the truth is you want to get as far away from an ex as possible, right? If not, don't play mind games with your current partner or else you lose. For example, young, attractive women know they can replace older partners with ease. If an older man is still in love with an ex or is still caught up with an ex's sweet words and other niceties, then he needs to take the time to figure out his situation alone and disconnect from a current partner until he knows what he wants to do. Stringing anyone along who you are unsure of while masking true feelings will cause much stress for the both of you.
Distance yourself emotionally and physically from exes. This takes time but it can be done. Don't discuss your personal life, decisions, or future with an ex. He or she is really not your friend no matter how much you both might say you are. What usually happens is a line or boundary you or an ex established is crossed sooner or later and when this happens whether a former partner was cross with you or flirtatious, you will experience guilty feelings, anger, and most likely will take your suppressed emotions out on your current partner. Your unsuspecting and confused partner will not understand what is going on with you and your behavior just might lead to a major falling out or worse break up.
The phone conversations, invites to a meal, special events, and more cause unnecessary drama for new couples when exes are still around. When you have children with an ex, you can still remain respectful but distant by not sharing details about your new life no matter how nosey or so called "caring" your ex is about you. Oftentimes people use children as an excuse to keep an ex close or keep some kind of control over them. Don't fall for the manipulation, rise above it and consult with an attorney or law enforcement if your ex is acting abusively or threatening to you or your new partner.
A new partner is only able to tolerate so much from a former partner or many. You shouldn't expect him or her to be understanding when you still have unresolved issues with an ex or exes. Always take care of your problems before you enter a new relationship and manage them while you are in one. New relationships are challenging enough and the last thing anyone wants is a disgruntled, miserable, seductive, or vengeful ex around.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and She's Crazy. Get your copy today!
You will need to make it clear you are no longer interested in a relationship with an ex. Some people just don't give up easy, so they will beg, plead, or even make a nuisance of themselves with "Remember when..." stories and "You know you still love me" types of phrases. Yet, the truth is you want to get as far away from an ex as possible, right? If not, don't play mind games with your current partner or else you lose. For example, young, attractive women know they can replace older partners with ease. If an older man is still in love with an ex or is still caught up with an ex's sweet words and other niceties, then he needs to take the time to figure out his situation alone and disconnect from a current partner until he knows what he wants to do. Stringing anyone along who you are unsure of while masking true feelings will cause much stress for the both of you.
Distance yourself emotionally and physically from exes. This takes time but it can be done. Don't discuss your personal life, decisions, or future with an ex. He or she is really not your friend no matter how much you both might say you are. What usually happens is a line or boundary you or an ex established is crossed sooner or later and when this happens whether a former partner was cross with you or flirtatious, you will experience guilty feelings, anger, and most likely will take your suppressed emotions out on your current partner. Your unsuspecting and confused partner will not understand what is going on with you and your behavior just might lead to a major falling out or worse break up.
The phone conversations, invites to a meal, special events, and more cause unnecessary drama for new couples when exes are still around. When you have children with an ex, you can still remain respectful but distant by not sharing details about your new life no matter how nosey or so called "caring" your ex is about you. Oftentimes people use children as an excuse to keep an ex close or keep some kind of control over them. Don't fall for the manipulation, rise above it and consult with an attorney or law enforcement if your ex is acting abusively or threatening to you or your new partner.
A new partner is only able to tolerate so much from a former partner or many. You shouldn't expect him or her to be understanding when you still have unresolved issues with an ex or exes. Always take care of your problems before you enter a new relationship and manage them while you are in one. New relationships are challenging enough and the last thing anyone wants is a disgruntled, miserable, seductive, or vengeful ex around.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and She's Crazy. Get your copy today!
Wednesday
Feeling Guilty About Dating Someone Younger, Older?
You were okay with the idea of dating someone older or younger until someone said something unflattering, you noticed stares from others, or your partner acted in a way that made you think, "What am I doing?" You press forward dating the special someone anyway hoping that feelings of doubt, guilt, or worry will just go, but they don't. You distract yourself from thinking negatively. You look for the good in your connection. You try real hard to make things work, but to no avail. Ready to call it quits?
Feeling guilty about dating someone half your age or more or less is something that occurs when your dating out of the range that you are used to. It's new, different and not everyone approves. People have their share of hang-ups about getting older along with what they should and shouldn't do at certain ages so it isn't any surprise that someone or a group is giving you some flack about your choice in a partner. But it's okay, you will survive the criticism. If you really want to go all the way with the pretty young lady or mature gentleman, you will do it whether others like it or not. Yet, if your personal concerns are getting the best of you lately, then you might as well talk about them with your companion and a therapist or counselor. The last thing you want to do is one day commit to someone that you are really unsure about.
For older men they have their share of challenges about dating younger for obvious reasons that range from maturity level to health woes. Then of course younger women are concerned about dating older men when they still very much value what others think, desire a family, and may not feel all that attracted to them as their partners age. So there are those personal thoughts to consider, but above them all one must think, "Is this what I really want or am I just settling, trying a new experience until someone better comes along?"
Weigh in on your feelings and harness what is starting to make you feel so bad. Could you be doing or saying something that makes you or your date feel awful about being together? Are there unresolved issues of the past that are affecting your current relationship? Does this person make you feel like you are dating a relative? Ugh. Whatever the issue might be, only you know what you can tolerate.
Feeling a steady increase of guilt is a warning sign you just might need to slow down and avoid dating young or old. You also might want to reconsider who you are confiding in about your relationship. There are plenty of people who have their personal issues about age gap relationships while others are jealous and can only wish to attract a successful date or gorgeous young woman. If you find that there is simply too much negativity coming from family, friends and others, you will need to spend some time away from them, sort out your feelings, and then make a decision whether the person you are with is really worth all the upset. Once you know what you sincerely want, you introduce your partner to loved ones while making it clear how special he or she is to you. When you take the relationship seriously, others will at the very least recognize that you deeply care for your companion and will back off if they want to keep a positive connection with you.
Don't allow guilt to get in the way of a potentially great relationship!
Nicholl McGuire
Feeling guilty about dating someone half your age or more or less is something that occurs when your dating out of the range that you are used to. It's new, different and not everyone approves. People have their share of hang-ups about getting older along with what they should and shouldn't do at certain ages so it isn't any surprise that someone or a group is giving you some flack about your choice in a partner. But it's okay, you will survive the criticism. If you really want to go all the way with the pretty young lady or mature gentleman, you will do it whether others like it or not. Yet, if your personal concerns are getting the best of you lately, then you might as well talk about them with your companion and a therapist or counselor. The last thing you want to do is one day commit to someone that you are really unsure about.
For older men they have their share of challenges about dating younger for obvious reasons that range from maturity level to health woes. Then of course younger women are concerned about dating older men when they still very much value what others think, desire a family, and may not feel all that attracted to them as their partners age. So there are those personal thoughts to consider, but above them all one must think, "Is this what I really want or am I just settling, trying a new experience until someone better comes along?"
Weigh in on your feelings and harness what is starting to make you feel so bad. Could you be doing or saying something that makes you or your date feel awful about being together? Are there unresolved issues of the past that are affecting your current relationship? Does this person make you feel like you are dating a relative? Ugh. Whatever the issue might be, only you know what you can tolerate.
Feeling a steady increase of guilt is a warning sign you just might need to slow down and avoid dating young or old. You also might want to reconsider who you are confiding in about your relationship. There are plenty of people who have their personal issues about age gap relationships while others are jealous and can only wish to attract a successful date or gorgeous young woman. If you find that there is simply too much negativity coming from family, friends and others, you will need to spend some time away from them, sort out your feelings, and then make a decision whether the person you are with is really worth all the upset. Once you know what you sincerely want, you introduce your partner to loved ones while making it clear how special he or she is to you. When you take the relationship seriously, others will at the very least recognize that you deeply care for your companion and will back off if they want to keep a positive connection with you.
Don't allow guilt to get in the way of a potentially great relationship!
Nicholl McGuire
Friday
Sunday
Monday
Sunday
Wednesday
Age Didn't Matter Until...
I didn't notice the age difference until "they" pointed it out.
Age gap dating highs and lows. Sometimes you discover there are more lows than highs.
by Nicholl McGuire
Should You Date an Older Man or Woman?
Someone who is 10, 15, 20 or even 30 years older than you
has expressed romantic interest.
However, lately you have had some mixed feelings about dating them, how
do you deal with your doubts and be at peace with your decision to date, stay
in the relationship or end it?
Meet Nadine, she was 21 when she met Dalton 31. He seemed to have his life very much together
as compared to some of the guys she met her own age. However, Nadine and Dalton came from
different worlds. When Dalton was a
child, men were very domineering over women and when Nadine was a child every
woman she ever knew was independent.
Their worlds began to collide.
Dalton expected Nadine to listen to him and follow his instructions
about cooking and keeping the house clean, take his suggestions on how to dress
in front of men and most of all how to communicate with him without using slang
and curse words. Dalton mentioned to her
one day he thought she was rather young and they didn’t have many common
interests, but there was nothing more said about his statement. He avoided bringing the age difference issue
up to her again, because he definitely didn’t want to break up with her at
least not right then. On the other hand,
Nadine wasn’t sure she could continue to look at Dalton’s receding hairline
much longer while he gave her his suggestions about how she should act. She also grew weary of sitting at home
watching Dalton’s selection of classic movies on weekends. Both of them continued to see one another
despite their differences; however, they were considering on breaking up with
one another secretly.
Although Nadine’s complaints seem trivial, she is use to
doing things with people mainly her own age and she socializes with very
youthful and attractive people (who haven’t lost their hair at least not
yet.) On the other hand, Dalton works
around many people his own age and doesn’t see anything wrong with “teaching”
Nadine. Despite their conflict over age
differences, they get along at times, but they are silently grappling with the
issue.
Before you decide to date, propose, marry or break up with
someone much older or younger than you, be sure to write down all of your
concerns. Don’t just think about how you
feel about him or her presently, but how you may feel about them in the
future. What is important to you about
another person’s personality and physical attributes may not be so important to
everyone else. The decision you reach
should be one you are comfortable with not one someone else tries to convince
you to make. Some people may tell you
how great it is to date someone older for wisdom, wealth, growth and other
reasons that seem logical. However, you
may have a problem with the way he or she looks, talks to you or treats you out
in public. Others may tell you how
wonderful it is to date a younger person, because they don’t have as much
baggage, they are exciting and youthful, yet you may find their conversations
are annoying or discover they are completely the opposite of what you expected. Avoid going into a relationship or continuing
one with heavy doubts. If there is a
small voice telling you he or she is not the one, listen to it. No matter how reasonable or logical someone’s
advice may sound, go with what gives you peace of mind.
Being with someone who is older or younger is very similar
to dating someone inter-racially. People
will stare and comment. Your own family
may be critical and tell you what they think of your mate. You will have to be prepared to stand strong
in the face of opposition if you really want your relationship to work. Some ex-spouses will attempt to make life
difficult for you (and use the children if you have any.) They may be jealous, angry or even still in
love with you depending on how you broke up with them. Know how to handle them, so that your new
mate will not feel insecure or want to leave you.
Questions you may have not thought
about are as follows. Consider asking
yourself the following and acting on your response. It is best to know what you want and how you
feel about the relationship before you fall too deeply in love.
Before You First Met
How would you describe your life before meeting this older
or younger person? This question is
important to answer. For instance, some
people who are in their 40s could have recently came out of a relationship with
someone who was about the same age and found he or she to be rather boring,
tired, miserable, or depressed. As we
know the older you get the more likely hormonal changes occur, unexpected aches
and pains and other body challenges.
Sometimes hormones will motivate desires to have every facet of one’s
life be changed such as ending a long term marriage, selecting a younger more
exciting mate, quitting his or her job and traveling, buying a sports car that
one cannot afford, exercising obsessively, dressing younger or taking a deep
interest in having a baby or caring for babies. Some people later regret their
decisions because they realize a visit to the doctor’s office and a prescription
could have kept them from making life- altering changes. Maybe the problem wasn’t with their previous
mate; instead, he or she may have had mental issues.
Another thought you may want to consider, if you are
younger, is how was your relationship with your mother and father growing
up? Do you find there is a pattern in
selecting mates older than you? There
are young women who are very much in need of a father figure and will confuse
that need with their desire to date an older man. If she had no male influence growing up or
her own dad didn’t seem interested in relating to her, she may look for
qualities in an older man to compensate for what she lacked in childhood. An older man who may be aware of this behavior
may want to consider what role he will want to play in her life: good friend, lover, god father, acquaintance
or all of the above.
Some older men have desires to have someone care for them
particularly if they never had a daughter. There may be a reason why for some
of you, you are consistently seeking younger women. Think about your past relationships, did you
find yourself tempted to teach, correct and instruct your younger mate? Do you find you can control a younger woman
or “get away” with certain things you couldn’t with a woman your own age?
When You First Met
This younger or older mate definitely had something about
them that drew you to them, what was it?
If you find there is nothing more than physical qualities, sex and/or
money, then you can be sure the relationship will be challenged. There has to be more than these attributes to
make you want to be with him or her.
What is it you like or dislike about he or she? What is it that your mate likes or dislikes
about you? Will you be able to deal with
these differences long term?
Physical Characteristics
As we all know beauty comes and goes, will you still find
him or her attractive in the short and long term? What happens when he or she is ill, pregnant
or disabled and not looking his or her best?
Have you centered the relationship on appearance and showing him or her
off to the public for attention? A man
or woman with a fifty-year-old body doesn’t look like a man or woman with a
twenty or thirty-something year old body?
Will you be able to handle a body aging?
If you are older, are you confident enough in the way you look that you
won’t give your younger mate a hard time when you see them around people many
years younger than you? If you are
younger, what are your feelings about gray hair, balding, protruding bellies
and varicose veins?
Personality
There will be those moments when you may say something that
will reveal your true age. It may be a
story about how you grew up, what kind of music you like, how old your parents
are or something reminding your mate how old or young you are. How do you feel when you have conversations
with your mate and how does he or she make you feel? Do you find him or her uninteresting? Do you feel more comfortable around people
who are your own age? How do you think
your feelings will affect your relationship in the future? As discussed earlier, hormonal changes will
also come to challenge the relationship.
For men, will you be able to handle a future pregnant woman’s
mood swings, menopause, or PMS? As for
women will you be able to deal with male mental and physical issues?
Finances
When either a younger or older mate has wealth, he or she
may be very generous or protective of it.
They may not know what your motives are for being with them. How will you respond to their concerns? Do you have your own personal wealth you can
be proud of? Will your mate object if
you work, don’t work, own your own business or go back to school? Do you expect your mate to assist you? Have you discussed how much you make, what
kind of bills you pay and how much they are and if you can afford to help one
another? Can you both afford to travel,
eat out at restaurants and enjoy other forms of entertainment? All of these questions are important because
our interests are a big part of our lives, if you want to do things together,
you don’t want money to be an issue later in the relationship.
Relatives
Your family will also reveal how old you are as well. Her sister maybe twenty years old and yours
may be forty years old. Your mate may not
have too much in common with her potential sister-in-laws and vice versa. Don’t anticipate the family will love your
mate, because they may not. Instead,
they will question, “What does this younger woman want with my son? Why is this old man going out with my
daughter?” They will discuss motives
among each other and eventually talk with you as to what they suspect is your
mate’s reasons for being with you. Don’t
fall into the temptation to believe what you hear unless there is proof from
your mate that tells you otherwise.
Children
If you had children or are thinking about not having any,
then your younger mate needs to know this.
Don’t cover up how you really feel by saying, “Oh maybe one day.” The truth will later reveal itself and when
it does it won’t help your relationship.
If you are serious about not wanting children, state the truth. If you have children from a previous
relationship, tell your mate. There are
consequences whether you tell or don’t tell.
Avoid hurting your mate anymore than you have to by being honest and
allow them the opportunity to make a choice whether to continue a relationship
with you. If you would like to have
children one day, be sure your mate knows, but don’t try to convince him or her
she will be a good father or mother, let them think about your plans and reach
a decision on their own.
Death
This should concern anyone in any kind of relationship. The day will come where we will all die. Think of the person you are with and include
them on your insurance policy. You don’t
need to tell them what you have done.
However, if they choose to be with you for the rest of their lives and
you are many years older, you know the days will come when they will most
likely have to care for you. Don’t leave
your mate or children with any financial burdens. Plan how your wealth will be handled once you
are gone.
Although the information in this article is very detailed
for a relationship that may not have started yet or is just beginning, it has
provided you with a glimpse of what you will have to consider in the
future. Re-read it. Make your decision to date someone older or
younger wisely, not out of lust, selfish gain, curiosity or some other trivial
reason.
Nicholl McGuire shares insightful wisdom around the web, check out "Messages for the Soul" on YourListen.com
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