There is nothing significant about that new sexual partner that makes an individual desire a long term commitment particularly when that isn't what he or she truly wants anyway. For some couples, it's just sex--nothing more and nothing less, that is until emotions get in the way!
A man in a 10 plus years marriage, who lies about it, is looking for someone or something to break a mundane lifestyle, but his intentions is not to lie down with his younger fling forever and always. If he were completely honest, he would tell her so. A young woman with many bills, an active lifestyle, and isn't interested in dating younger guys these days because she has needs that goes beyond the bedroom, is most likely not seeking a long-term commitment either especially if the mature man isn't offering much conversation or affection. Both have immediate needs, but a long term future, not likely.
When we find ourselves seeking people who are mentally or physically unavailable (or maybe we are the ones guilty of this sort of behavior) and have no strong desire to be nothing more than bedroom partners, you have to wonder, "What is going on with me?" It is better to be alone and content then to be with someone who is going to lie about loving his wife or be with a younger woman who just wants to manipulate men for selfish gain.
So much emotional energy wrapped up into something that has no solid foundation!
Some couples in wishy washy relationships end up leaving them with a few mental marbles loose. Words are exchanged during bedroom sessions that tickle ears and before long, a lover believes that something more might come out of this short-term fling only to be left heartbroken. "We agreed, we wouldn't get serious, remember!? I told you I am in a relationship, I have children!" the married man yells. "But I love you and you said I was the best thing in your life!" the young woman cries. "I know what I said, but that was when we were having sex!" her lover retorts.
I think of times during my past when I was misled into thinking that some men were sincerely into me and only me. But later, I would learn that I was the alternative, the back up plan until cheating men would be welcomed back into the arms of their number one girls. "Stupid me," I would think. Assuming that a nice guy was right for me. There is a whole lot more going on with nice guys besides what meets the eye--I am a witness!
There are those nice guys who are bad guys. They seek out women who are willing to go out with them and eventually lay with them. If she doesn't do what he wants on his time schedule, then she is marked as "hard to get" and then he is on to the next one. Older, more experienced, men are clever. They will say just about anything to fulfill sexual needs. I recall a man promise to let me stay at his large home with a pool and other amenities he thought I liked (mind you, I don't know how to swim, see how much he paid attention to me?) He used what he had to lure me to come over an entertain him (yet some men don't want gold-diggers, why use your wealth to charm?) I politely declined his request. He had an impatient and irritated tone to his voice and lost my number. That older man made his intentions clear and I made my boundaries clear.
Too many young women settle for foolishness for material wealth. But one day, reality sets in and you find yourself looking in the mirror at your ugly self. You start asking that immature woman inside of you the hard questions, "Why do I put myself through this? Why can't I just sit back and enjoy my life for a bit; rather than worry over dates?"
Remember, once you see signs and listen closely to one's intentions while dating, you have a choice, either you will raise your red flag or you will give in. If you should give in to a man or woman's demands, be prepared to enter a journey that you might or might not be ready for. There will be surprises and they won't all be good. There will be emotional highs and lows that might leave you feeling like you are out of control. And, most of all, there will most likely be disappointments because you will quickly learn, the more you get to know someone, the more you realize sex isn't all you need. Before long, you will be on that path of trying to break free from your lover which isn't always easy to do.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of
When Mothers Cry,
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and
other books.
