Do Some Say You Are Wise? Your Date Might Not Appreciate Wisdom

Nowadays lighthearted, silly statements in videos, movies and songs seem to get the popular vote.  For many, life is just too dull, serious, routine, and so on.  So single daters seek a pick me up whether that be in a person, place or thing.  However, what daters should seek is love and wisdom above moments of laughter. 

Many young people who haven’t experienced much in life such as: long-term relationships, consistent employment, foreign travel, years of parenting, etc. bring a limited view to one deemed wise and one who is mature and has no direction, well he or she is considered nothing more than a fool.   

Now if you put two immature, inexperienced people together, the chances that the couple will get along are quite good at least for a time until serious issues come up.  But if you pair a wise person (whether young or old) with someone who is unwise mentally and spiritually, you will have an unbalanced relationship where one is often investing knowledge, love, experiences, and possibly money, while the other is like a bump on a log.  After awhile, the one receiving all those wise tips is going to get weary of his or her partner, since he or she has very little to bring to the relationship, and eventually resent him or her.  On the other hand, the wise person is going to regret having wasted so much time hoping for compatibility and a return on his or her investment.  

Foolish people don’t like spiritual people and vice versa.  If you are wise, don’t manipulate yourself into thinking that you can change, re-arrange, create, or motivate a silly, immature or uneducated person to act the way you want.  If you believe this, then consider yourself controlling.   

Now there are those who you know who may enjoy your teachings and thoughtful insight, but they don’t spend as much time with you like an intimate partner would.  Wisdom is not popular, doesn’t rank high when it comes to character attributes, and isn’t what young people consider, “Cool.” Besides, there are even older adults who run from wisdom because they don’t want to feel:  old, convicted about sins, or think they should change.

So if you are one who has been told you are “wise,” be mindful that those you might attract may not be as wise as you.  They also will not help you toward creating the kind of relationship you so desire either especially if they don’t respect or appreciate wise people.   

You can test dates simply by sharing biblical quotes, thoughts on love, philosophical concepts related to things you think he or she enjoys, etc.  Then watch your date's reactions.  Do this enough times in different ways on different days (especially bible related verses), and the apple of your eye will begin to look spoiled to you.  Once you realize this person is definitely not someone you could see yourself spending your life with, break free.  Don’t be like so many who try to rescue, rehabilitate, change, or build up fools.  If one cannot or refuses to do anything that will make them better in all that he or she does, yet you are this type, then you don’t want to choose the broken, emotionally hurt, and wounded for a life-long partner.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street and other books.

This Song Good Example of the Games Some Men Play

MR HUDSON - WHITE LIES LYRICS

7 Mistakes Some Mature Men Make with Younger Women

He finds someone who he really likes, a younger woman, someone who looks like she could be his daughter.  The more he spends time with her, the more he sees a future with her.  However, there are obstacles internally and externally that prevent this courtship from being a wonderful, memorable experience. 

The mature man made some mistakes during this age gap dating experience that makes her question his loyalty, possibly caused discord among family and friends while leaving the couple feeling uneasy about the future.   

You could be making the same errors when it comes to dating younger women.

One.  Are you impressing the younger woman with your material wealth?

Stop it.  If you don't want a gold-digger don't encourage her to act like one.  Be humble, modest about your wealth.  If asked, answer briefly, but avoid bragging.

Two.  Did you tell others how old she is?

If you did already, stop that too.  If you don't want condemnation, don't invite it!  The more you talk about how young and youthful she is, the more the uncomfortable tension in the air will grow especially amongst jealous older women.  You will be making it hard for her to be welcomed into your inner circle when you bring up her age often.

Three.  Are you having sex before really feeling comfortable enough to be seen with her in public places?

Don't do it again when you know you aren't ready to present her in front of everyone.  You are only setting yourself up for future arguments.  If you aren't serious about her, don't make her think you are.

Four.  Do you talk about your young partner with exs in order to create a desire for them to want to reconnect?

Why would any man do this?  But they do.  An ex is an ex for a reason and drawing her out of her cave of anger and confusion by talking about your new girlfriend often is only going to make matters worse sooner or later.

Five.  Do you lie or cover up unflattering details of your life in order to keep your young partner around?

So as to appear like he is in the know and is "cool," some older men will not share much about themselves and act more interested in their date.  If you want an open, honest relationship, it would make sense to share aspects of yourself as they come up, not hide them.

Six.   Are you acting controlling, like a father, and forbid her to have a life apart from you?

A younger woman can detect a father figure a mile away.  Some gravitate to older men because there are some things that they do that remind them of their fathers.  However, many don't want their partner to become their father.  So when you find yourself monitoring her every activity, you have to ask yourself, "Do I have a desire for a daughter?"  If this is the case, let her go, don't use her to fulfill your void.

Seven.  Do you keep her a secret and then spring her on critical family and friends?

There relationship is not off to a good start when you can't even talk to your family about her or you feel apprehensive about sharing someone that you love with them.  Conquer the fear and the nervousness simply by preparing everyone who you know will support you and leave out those you know you don't.  Springing a younger woman up on anyone will make them do more gossiping than welcoming--and how do you think that negativity in the air will make your partner feel?

Take a moment to pray, plan, and protect that one you believe is the apple of your eye!

Nicholl McGuire

Whose Whispering in His Ear, Her Ear?

A younger woman and an older man in a dating relationship is often critiqued by those who think he is too old and she is too young.  The critic doing the questioning is often jealous or has been hurt in the past having been in a similar relationship.

The opposition against the relationship can be so stressful at times, that sometimes a younger woman or older man dating one another will cave under the pressure.  He starts permitting his mind to be open to what an ex, mother, sister, brother, cousin or someone else says about his choice in a partner.  The younger woman starts believing what the aunt, grandmother, or friend believes about her man's intentions.  Before long, the couple lies in one another's arms with other people's concerns on their minds while distrusting one another.

The couple is also more likely to see the flaws in each other; therefore, one's attitude might be often negative.  She becomes easily irritated with him.  He starts focusing on all the things that make her wrong for him.  Neither one truly sees the part that the outside forces have played on the relationship.  She thinks, "It's him."  He thinks, "It's her."  No one bothers to trace back their negative emotions to that phone call with a jealous friend who isn't in any serious relationship or that mother who is jilted because her husband doesn't treat her so well.  "Why do I feel this way?"  The couple should ask.  "It wasn't that long ago that I felt my partner was "the one," what changed over time?  Who have I been talking and listening to?"

The sooner you take control over your emotional mood swings concerning the relationship, the better!  Consider the source.  When you find that the person you are spending time with encourages you to talk about your significant, cut him or her off and turn the tables around on him or her, "How is your relationship...what have you been doing lately?"  Chances are they aren't too busy or too happy, because why would they bother to involve themselves in your personal business?  After you know whose been aiding you negatively, the next thing you want to do is limit your conversations with this person or gradually cut him or her off when it comes to your personal business.  You will also want to spend more time focusing on the positive regarding your relationship and work toward winning your partner's trust, respect, love, etc.  If you don't back up your love with some action, unfortunately your relationship will be doomed to fail.  Keep negative, foolish people out of your ear!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and other books.