Monday

Power Struggle with a Stubborn, Older Man - Give In or Move On

He may not come right out and tell his dates, "Listen, I am not that guy who is going to go along just to get along.  I am going to raise questions, drag my feet, and do any number of things if I suspect you want me to do something for you, agree to something you say..."  But his actions or inactions in the relationship will one day expose who he really is after his charming demeanor begins to fade.

There is a personal power struggle with some men and they aren't much interested in sitting in the passenger seat, not even for a moment, in a friendship, casual dating arrangement, or serious relationship.  They want to drive everyone and everything from the initial meetings with dates to how things go on in the bedroom.  There is no working together.  This is why many older men are divorced.  They were controlling and still are that way and will never admit to this.  When former wives started objecting to their demands and refused to take their mistreatment whether emotional or violent any longer, they were considered difficult women who didn't love and appreciate them.  These men will do their best to appear like they were victims, but this just isn't the case with most.  They provoked situations with evil looks, wicked statements, cheating, lying, acting cold, distant, and more toward their families and ex-partners started striking back.  But an older man will tell a young woman anything for a good time, sex and a roof over his head if he hasn't accomplished too much in life.

As long as a young lady allows an older, controlling man to dominate the relationship, he might keep her around for awhile.  But this sort of arrangement gets old and sooner or later the young lady will grow weary of the man making all the decisions like where to go, who to see, and so on.  She will become irritated with having to wait for him to be in the mood to do this or that with her, then become further annoyed when he is dictating how long they stay at an event, how much money is spent, where they might move to or stay, etc.  Cohabitate with a stubborn man and before long you are setting up the environment to suit him more-so than yourself.

You can't teach a man who has been with many women in his lifetime too much of anything.  He has seen much, accomplished possibly more or not nearly enough for his age, and now all he wants is a youthful, working companion that looks cute, doesn't talk much, and has more commonalities than differences.  His requests might seem simple enough, but a rigid man is not the least bit easy to get along with if you too are stubborn, controlling and enjoy being the new age, independent type.  One day you will both reach the cross roads in your relationship, either give in or move on.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love Myself and other books.

Sunday

Immature, Older Men Test Drive Young Women Like Cars - Now What's Wrong with That?

Comparing a woman to a car, eh?  She is bright, shiny, good steering, comfortable seating, fast, good suspension, engine purrs...Wow!  You are saying a lot about yourself when you describe a woman like you do your state of the art vehicle.  What you are really saying is you like an attractive woman, who will have sex quickly, move well in bed, and isn't loud and annoying.  You like her quiet and docile--you can control her like you do your automobile.  Is that too much to ask? 

Now behind closed doors, you just might get away with this sort of mentality with the guys and you might even impress a few niave, silly women who could care less about being compared to a sports car.  However, test driving young women like cars is going to cost you mentally, physically, and spiritually.  Just like a car, sooner or later you and they will break down.  Hurt feelings, broke bank accounts, troubled minds, STDs, unsupportive family members, unwanted children, etc.  Hearts left on the side of the road like bumpers, blown out tires, broken glass, etc.  How much time does one really have to play immature games with immature women?

The truth is men like this don't care about women, rather they enjoy test driving them.  You probably know a few old players in the family.  Young, sexy, and immature women can be fun, exciting, and interesting at first, but in time they get old, unattractive, boring, and oftentimes don't work out, because they realize, "What am I doing with this old guy?" 

Keeping with the cars and women comparison for just a little longer, if you don't get a tune up for an automobile over time, what might happen?  Problems and more problems.  The warning lights inside the dash are clicking on and off and the car is becoming more of an issue than you can handle.  Wasn't it just a few weeks ago that you got something fixed on it?  Like what irresponsible men do with their beloved aging cars, they run their old ladies into the ground and then do the same with young women.

It's unfortunate men and women have to learn the hard way before recognizing that their personal views, when it comes to relationships along with how they treat one another, has a lot to do with why they are often unhappy and unsatisfied.  With each new person that comes into one's life, it becomes increasingly difficult to get needs met.  After awhile one gets exhausted with the mind games and eventually settles down sometimes with a decent human being, but most often with the one you should have, could have stayed away from.

A mature man is called that for a reason, he is no longer like a boy or young man childish in his ways.  However, if he is still thinking of women like cars, it is only a matter of time, that he will trade the poor girl in for a new model.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and other books.

 

Wednesday

Wake Up - Male Midlife Crisis is Real - Young Woman You Might Be a Victim

For some men, they thought that if they stepped out of their marriages, distanced themselves from children and live a little, things would get better.  Unfortunately, those feel-good emotions didn't happen long term like they had hoped.  The "living a little" with the hot chick, new car, baby on the way, relocation, and other surprises turned into nothing more than burdens.

Former mature partners know better, young ladies don't have a clue.  At first agreeing to date these men in crisis, who appear so charming, seems harmless for many single women until they spend time with them when they don't appear so attractive or behave so nicely. 

Like the older women, these young women soon discover that something is very wrong with partners/lovers.  They start feeling uncomfortable around these difficult men and contemplate breaking up with them.  "What did I say?  What did I do?  Why is this guy so negative?  What the f*ck is wrong with him!" a young lady might think.  It isn't so much what you said or did to set him off that rattles the evil within, but it is how he feels at the moment a challenge arises.  He may have been okay with something one day and then go ballistic the next.  Welcome to the world of andropause/irritable male syndrome/low T.

If you have yet to read articles about male midlife on this site and others, then start diving in, you will be in for a treat or maybe a trick because you will feel like you have been duped once you get to know the irritable male. 

Take heed young woman, there is more to a middle-aged man who is often moody and has what appears to be a decent past (somewhat normal not too bad,) and a satisfactory lifestyle.  Despite his blessings, he nit-picks about them, complains about little things, and frequently finds fault with the people around him.  Also, think twice before joining the bandwagon of blaming exes.  A man in crisis may have had children with an ex he fell deeply in love with until his bodily changes took over.  He might have been married for a long time, had a great career, interesting life experiences, etc. but all those things came to a halt when emotions started to change, so rather than weather life storms, he looked for ways to escape it. 

Don't think he won't change on you sooner or later and don't accept responsibility for things beyond your control.  The blaming, minimizing, gas-lighting, and denial happens frequently in arguments with men in crisis and unfortunately some women are physically abused as well.  This is why mature woman will advise it is best to avoid the debates, get a life of your own, and do what makes you feel happy. 

Sometimes older people refuse to admit that there are personal and/or professional issues occurring in their lives as a result of the aging process.  Sometimes too focused on maintaining a youthful image and/or mindset, they fail to see the destruction they have left behind and just how out of touch they are with reality.  Guard your heart and your bank account, young woman when dating these men.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and other books.

Wednesday

10 Devious Things Deceptive Mates will Do to Keep You from Knowing the Truth

You have been burdened lately with this indescribable feeling in the pit of your stomach. You suspect that your mate hasn’t been completely honest with you about a number of things. You have attempted to converse with him or her about what is troubling you and the individual hasn’t said or did anything to bring you any relief.

Many women and men have what relationship counselors might call an "intuition," sixth sense or gut feeling when something isn't quite right with their intimate connections. How do you know that your sensibilities are being compromised by your lover?

There are ten things that your deceptive mate might do over the course of your relationship that will keep you guessing when it comes to a variety of issues such as: money, employment, cheating, family, past relationships, and children from the past.  He or she already knows how you feel about any one of these areas, so to ensure that you will always see him or her in the best light, your lover will work hard not to expose you to his or her dark past, secrets, lies, or anything else that may harm his or her connection with you. So what exactly does this person say or do to try to throw your intuition off track?

1)  Deny everything. It seems that no matter what you say to him or her about an issue, there is the common statement of "I don’t remember, I don’t recall, that wasn’t me, I don’t believe...It didn't happen like that...I never did...or I don’t know." One will usually respond to his or her mate, by not asking anymore questions about the matter.  Meanwhile, he or she hopes you have forgotten about it.

2)  Blame others. When your mate doesn’t want to be held accountable for anything, he or she will say, "Maybe you are the one with the problem…She said it not me… I didn’t do it, he did it…you know how he is…you know she doesn’t like you…" Your mate wants you to shift your focus from him or her and put it on someone else. A great distraction is to blame someone you don’t like, this way you both will start focusing on the ex, child, pet, job, etc. rather than on your partner who is causing you the most grief.

3)  Cover up wrong doing with silence. You want your mate to address a problem or concern and he or she says nothing.  For example, the individual may have done something like scratch the side of the car, break your treasured collectible from childhood, spent too much of your money, did something without asking your permission, or acted in ways when you weren't around that he or she knew you would be angry about. Rather than fess up, this person acts as if nothing ever happened. When pressed about the issues, your partner might become offensive and accuse you of wanting to start an argument, walk away or deny everything.

4)  Make excuses. Ask your boyfriend or girlfriend why he or she was late or didn't answer his or her phone, "Did you have your cell phone turned on...Who was that in the car with you?  Were you really over your mother’s house?"  Your lover might stammer, stutter, get angry, look away from you or walk out. All of these behaviors are meant for him or her to buy some time to come up with an excuse. Some may already be prepared with a good story. If you aren’t convinced, check up on one's reasons.

5)  Lie. When your partner doesn't want to face your wrath, feel as if he or she is backed up in a corner, or just want to be spiteful, this person will not tell you the truth. Instead, he or she will make up a story that this person hopes you might believe.

6)  Find fault with you to digress from what they did or didn’t do. Ask your lover about a task that he or she said would be done or mention to your "Babe" that you noticed he or she hasn't bothered to spend time with you lately.  He or she might have a reason why, but by the end of the conversation, you will find that you are defending yourself for things he or she brings up to circumvent the fact that this person isn't doing his or her part in the relationship.

7)  Apologize. Someone told your lover that an apology goes far, so your "Sweetie" will attempt to make up for wrongdoing with a very nice "I’m sorry..." Meanwhile, you are still wondering if she (he) is being sincere and truthful. Actions speak louder than words, so observe how she (he) treats you afterward.

8)  Beg. When they feel that you are about ready to end the relationship, your lover may talk about the years invested, everything you two have done together, what he/she has done for you, etc. When it comes down to it, the beggar is just saying these things, because you caught him or her off guard when this person wasn’t ready to break up with you. In the future, watch what this person says and does, if no changes and things get worse, he or she may be preparing to break up with you.

9)  Cry. Tears are a good way to make you second-guess anything your partner says and does. He or she may be insincere.  Don’t let your quest to seek truth be suffocated with your lover's tears. Act emotional right along with him or her if need be.  Ask this person everything you have ever wanted to know. Frustrate him or her like a witness being questioned by an attorney, so that the truth will start spilling fourth.  At some point, your partner will give up some details that will make you think whether he or she was ever being honest--connect the dots. This is also a good time to provide your lover with any proof you might have. When the emotional dispute is all said and done, your nagging gut feeling may begin to diminish.

10)  Become controlling.  Your girlfriend or boyfriend didn’t want you to find out about personal secrets, the lies told or anything else that puts him or her in a negative light with you, so if the individual suspects that you may be considering on ending the relationship, then be prepared for him or her to act controlling. The idea of you being with someone else is too much for this person to accept when he or she isn't ready to move on.  Your lover will start wanting to keep up with you more than ever before, he or she will become very interested in what you are thinking, where you are going and who are you going with.  Most of all, your mate will try to control the way you should be feeling about him or her by attempting to make you feel like everything you think, do, feel or say is wrong.
There are tricky men and women online and offline and they will not hesitate to use and abuse those who they think are naïve and gullible.  Stay one step ahead and take your time before adding a lover to your bank account, letting him or her drive your car, cohabitate, get engaged or married to someone.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and other books

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