Friday

Dating Older Men - No Longer Something the Young Woman Wants to Do

She started off thinking it was a wise decision to date someone older since she was quite mature for her age.  However, in time she realized that her attraction to older men wasn't really her own, but the persuasion of charmers is what captivated her. 

She talked herself into dating them.  There was the lawyer, a truck driver, a Marine, a businessman, a limo driver, a security officer, a computer technician and others--too many to count.  She was thrilled by their conversation, flattered by the time they were willing to spend with her, and excited to see that they weren't like the younger men who she dated that didn't have "a pot to piss in."

As she grew older, she realized that if she was going to have a quality relationship with someone, her connections would have to be closer to her own age, but all she seemed to attract were men who were 10 plus older than her.


You see, some young women reason that dating older is a great idea until they are impacted by the highs and lows that come with getting older.  They start to see their fathers and grandfathers in some of these men--often tired, difficult, stubborn, arrogant, or even bitter about getting older.  They give their wives and children hell too!  But the young lady says to herself, "But that is mom's relationship...and I don't think my date will act like my dad, grandfather or uncles..."  That is until the older suitors start exhibiting similar signs. Uh oh!  The power and control that many older men show toward their younger partners is not so attractive after all.  Care turns into possession.  Love turns into hate.  Patience turns into irritability.  Peace turns into chaos and some of you readers know the rest.  If you have ever been abused by an older or even a younger man, you know how the story goes, "When we first met, it was wonderful...he was such a gentleman...but then..."

There is an emotionally and/or physically abused young woman somewhere that is no longer finding dating older men fun, interesting or beneficial.  She has watched far too many times what appears to be a gentleman turn into a tyrant.  She has ached on the inside for every time she was rejected, cheated on, disrespected, and wounded once again by someone who is supposed to know better.  "He's older...he should know how to treat a woman.  He has a daughter for God sake!  Why does he treat me like this?  He reminds me so much of...what was I thinking!" she cries.

If you are that older man with a younger woman who is detecting that your on again off again girlfriend is losing interest in you, let her go--let her go.  This is when your maturity needs to kick in.  You might even want to consider taking a break from dating the young ladies especially when you have a long pattern of striking out with them--the arguments, silent treatment, spoiled girl behaviors, etc. 

The young lady has a long life ahead and chances are she has come to the realization that she is either better off alone or with someone closer to her age that she has more compatible interests.  But breaking up for good can be quite the challenge if one is still emotionally and physically tied to someone.  Holding on to an attractive young woman like a trophy piece will only make her feel worthless in time, because she knows that the connection is not what it appears to be--it's all just a fantasy; one that she no longer wants to play a part in.  There are older men who merely want young women for trivial reasons and vice versa.  True love goes beyond the flesh and material interests.

A young woman who has made up in her mind that dating older is no longer what she wants to do is liberating herself to explore her world with someone who can better relate one day.  It happens, people change. The young woman should give herself permission to move on, and as stated before, and so should the older man.

Nicholl McGuire

Monday

The Man in Denial About Being Old

He considers himself to be young, he chooses not to view himself to be old or getting older.  He desires a young woman to make him feel good inside.  She is to compliment him, make him smile, introduce him occasionally to what interests young people, be a good listener and a lover.  Seems simple enough?  Yet, the mature man, who is in denial about age and refuses to date anyone his own age or older, is complicated. 

Spend enough time with him and the aging man, who secretly hates getting older, starts to tire of all the attention his younger partner is getting, her interests, conversation and more is very different than his own.  Privately, he already knows that he doesn't feel or look as good as he once did and he hates to be reminded of it.  So the visits outside the bedroom with his young companion begin to lessen and he chooses to take comfort in his favorite chair at home.  He doesn't offer to take his girlfriend or mistress places for he knows what people will think when they pass the pair by.  The mature gentleman doesn't bother to have as much sex as he once did, because it is now a chore.  He isn't much interested in doing too much of anything when he isn't in denial. 

Yet, the older man, who fights the aging process like a boxer fighting another boxer in the ring, will not only deny he is getting older, but he will lose his cool with others who say anything about what he should do now that he is this age and that one.  He argues when someone mentions anything about age from looks to feelings.  He considers himself to be young for his age and it doesn't help when others inflate his already large ego.  He is not the least bit interested in women his own age, he scoffs at the mere mention of sticking with his own age group.  He challenges younger men who joke about his aging body.  He sulks when he loses.  If he is having a crisis of any sort, he refuses to admit it.  Family and friends who say that is what he is going through, he rejects them. 

So he scrolls the Internet, his phone, talks to young women..."They don't know what they are talking about, " he says.  "I'm not old."  People are such good liars.

Nicholl McGuire

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