My Experience Dating a Single Mom - The Cold Hard Truth

On Loving Those Who Have Been Abused

On Attending Family Events with a Date - Personal Experience, Self-Help Book

When I first started dating in my youth, I always found myself either accepting or declining an invite to attend my dates' family events. I will be the first to admit, I wasn't always eager to meet my companions' kin especially when I knew there was no future with them. Later in life, I would have long term relationships and find that some people were okay about occasional cancellations and others not so much. The negative talk would start about "Why didn't you come?" along with questions to see how close was I to my own family.

It wasn't that I had issues with the individuals at some of these gatherings; I just didn't feel the need to support my partners' every time they chose to connect with their families. I recall witnessing my own family quite happy when in-laws, girlfriends and boyfriends were no shows every now and then. They simply wanted to spend some time with their relatives without their better half always around. If you think about it, we do tend to let our hair down more so when partners aren't around.

Meeting someone's new girlfriend or boyfriend, in-laws, extended relatives, half sisters and brothers, etc. can be particularly burdensome especially around holidays. Do we even bother to remember all those names? We don't always want to be around our own intermediate family much less the aunt of the cousin whose friend is a friend know the feeling. 

When you are involved with someone who really enjoys the company of his or her family a little more than you do, the last thing you want to do is hurt him or her, so you go along to get along month after month or year after year until one day a light bulb goes off, "I don't want to keep doing this! I really want to do something different this year." If resentment is mixed with anger once you arrive to this revelation, those emotions are sure to bring confusion for yourself and/or household, because for so long you had chose to do some things to appease someone else.

One should never obligate his or herself to go somewhere he or she rather not just because the individual doesn't want to hurt a partner's feelings. What about yours? Keep this in mind when you read my book, Should I Go to the Party?  This isn't just a book that questions whether a party is worth attending or not, but it challenges you to establish a plan before you are faced with the dilemmas and trials that come with attending an event.  There are so many stories where people wish they had never gone somewhere and met the people that they did.

Stop the cycle of going along just to get along and look a little closer at those in your social circle who just love inviting folks to all sorts of events even when they know full well trouble-makers will be present--is it worth it?  Could accepting the wrong invitation be the end of a good relationship, friendship?  Check out

Nicholl McGuire is the author of other books including: Say Goodbye to Dad, Tell Me Mother You're Sorry, and What Else Can I do on the Internet?


The "When I Need Her" Girl - Is that You?

She is called upon only when the older gentleman is in need of her time and affection. He doesn't kiss her on the lips when they meet or have sex, because according to him, "Well that is just personal."

The well-dressed gentleman is not what you would consider a sugar daddy or even a rich gentleman--even though his wardrobe is quite deceiving, he is simply an old player. A man with many tricks who knows how to play games with silly, naive women who think they will be taken care of by him. What does love have to do with anything anyway in the player's world? Selfish men and women have agendas. Their arranged meetings, whether secretly or publicly, have little to do with love.

In the case of the mature gentleman, one who has had more than enough travel and sex in his eighty plus years on this planet, the "When I Need Her" Girl of 10 plus years is nothing more than a toy he brings out every now and then. His body is with the wife any other time. The player says what attracted him to his wife was her big breasts and legs, but others say it was her money too. The beauty his committed companion once had as well as the player has long passed away. He admits that the women loved him, but he couldn't love them, because he had no love for self.

The wife seems to be quite content just being in the moment with her player husband while the residue of drugs, sex and rock n roll still remain on her even at seventy plus years old. She is numb to the pain her mate has caused her over the years. She is emotionally spent and so she runs away in her mind whenever one starts to get to close to her personal pain settling with a player for decades. The wife was aware of more than just one of her husband's "When I Need Her" girls. She has long stopped crying and protesting and has settled with the "bad boy" she got mixed up with many years ago.

When I think of the other women, those who knew or didn't know that their lovers were married, I can't help but shiver. They didn't care much about playing second fiddle, being used whenever husbands wanted them and then later disposed. The old player, described previously, wasn't the one contributing much to the cat and mouse game, but the young women were. The man's wardrobe, housing, food, etc. was funded by women. According to the player, he has got it made.

As for the "When I Need Her" girls, well we all know where they stand...on corners, at bars, on therapists' couches, in churches, hospital beds, hiding in closets, and elsewhere wishing/hoping/praying for more than what they settled for.

Nicholl McGuire


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