Wednesday

Do You Know What You Really Want Young Woman, Older Gentleman?

The carefree attitude that a date might convey is such a draw when getting to know someone who looks and acts better than an ex.  In the beginning, everyone appears as if they are okay with just about anything one does.  "Do you have other people you are dating?"  Yes.  "Is it okay if we have sex?"  Sure.  "Do you like wild stuff?" Yeah.  "Would you mind if I asked you to...?"  Okay.  Everything seems so easy.  Right?  She compliments you on your physique and he talks about how much you are turning him on.  But then in time, things start to get complicated, doesn't it?

He wants you to do more of whatever you reluctantly agreed to.  She starts complaining about what you do or don't do.  What happened to the "No big deal" personality?  "How did we end up like this?" one asks his or herself.  The reason, there was never any boundaries.  The thought of protecting one's mind, body and spirit was too much for some and so they went along just to get along.

One must remember that when dating, you are still in a relationship with each and every person you are going out with, although short-lived at times, one is still relating to the other.  What this means is that eventually someone will be wanting something more if they sincerely like you.  Who wouldn't?  If I saw a piece of cake that I wanted, you think I wouldn't want a taste?  If you keep letting me eating of that cake, you are then training me to expect it. 

You have to know, whether you are returning to the dating scene, still in it, or planning to get out, what you truly want out of a partner or even better out of life?  If you are just blindly taking one day at a time, then you are leaving it up to someone else to dictate your future.  For instance, if a young woman knows that she wants to relocate in a week, a month, or a year from now and her older gentleman friend isn't planning on moving anywhere, guess who will want to try to change her plans?  Would he be willing to pack up his life for the sake of being with a younger partner?  Most likely not if he is content with his location.  A mature man knows that life outside of his sexual escapades is pretty much settled for him.

Now when one goes into a relationship with goals and visions of the future, he or she is seeking someone to help complete them.  Most people don't want to connect with individuals who can't help them in some way from friendship to business.  What is really the benefit in getting to know you?  What are you really receiving from the person you are dating besides the typical dinner, movie and sex at his or her house or a hotel some where?  What does the future really hold--more of the same?

Some people expect a lot when they date while others not so much.  When you have a good idea what you don't want when dating, you usually are able to determine what you do want.  Most individuals want a companion, a good friendship that just might last until death. 

Sometimes couples have a hard time in their relationships, because there is a failure to communicate what one really desires.  Men and women want to be heard in relationships and when there is more sexual groaning and moaning going on and less talking, in time one realizes he or she really doesn't know the person at all.  A date might want to get to know his sexual partner, but by that time it might be too late especially if the person has lost much interest.

So do take the time to share what you really want when dating a younger woman or older man, and who knows, it might grow into something more if you are willing.   

Nicholl McGuire author of Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street, a book of poems.

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