Wednesday

He's Older, She's Younger and They Don't Like It

In the past, I have written about relatives, friends and strangers not liking or agreeing with older men dating younger women.  I would like to mention that Christians know better not to pass judgment on this type of relationship considering the men who married younger women in the Bible ie.) Boaz and Ruth.  But the reality is, that dating older/dating younger is happening.  We just can't put an age limit on two consenting adults falling in love and starting a family with one another, so why try?

For some people, they don't like the way it looks.  "He looks like her dad with all his gray hair...look at her she looks like his daughter...what does he see in her--what does she want with someone that old?" critics say.

If we were to look at their relationships, (you know those who think their choices are best in mates), behind closed doors, I'm sure we wouldn't like what we saw either!  So what, a couple is close in age and possibly attractive, but what are they really bringing one another to the table?  One might be obese and the other skinny.  Another might have the woman as a breadwinner while her man is poor.  One is educated and the other not-so-much.  Yet, the critics don't say too much of anything, because usually they are in the same boat.   

Many relationships suffer because people are too concerned about looks and material wealth and less concern about spiritual connectedness, love, respect, and appreciation.  If your heart is in love and your mate just so happens to be younger or older, you have every right explore whether that person is right for you.

Black, white, rich, poor, ugly or beautiful, whatever or whoever he or she is, remember you have your preference and the world has theirs.  I would have to challenge some readers to ask, "What is your Creator telling you about this person?  Have you bothered to pray?" 

Couples dating older and younger should be prepared for critics not agreeing or liking their selection in a mate, but one doesn't have to defend it no more than one who is dating someone obese, from a different culture, or short. 

We are living in a world of judges, notice the many reality shows that love to judge this person and that one on what they can and can't do.  Therefore, there will be people in and out of one's circle who will judge.  It is up to you and your partner to decide whether you want to keep these people around.  You don't want to include people in your world that will not support it.  If you do, you will find that negative comments, attitudes, and lack of support will rub off on you in time.  As a result, you may start to doubt, question or even argue with your mate about things that are irrelevant to the success of the relationship.

Know for sure that dating someone older or younger is something you want to do long-term.  One day you might want to marry.  As much as couples like putting off marriage, someone whose clock is ticking is going to want to get married one day; and encouraging a partner to stop and think about it after year one, year two, and so on will begin to look manipulative and selfish.  If you don't want to marry, permit the young woman or older man to be with someone who is willing to get married.  Those outside of the relationship who don't necessarily agree with the age-gap relationship will love to chime in on why you shouldn't get married and ought to wait. 

Shut out the voices and know what you and your partner wants!

Nicholl McGuire
View other blogs Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com
When Mothers Cry http://whenmotherscry.blogspot.com

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