You Are What You Create: When the Older Man and Younger Woman Collide

How you begin a relationship sets the foundation for many things more to come.  There are mature men who don't mind spending wads of cash on their younger companions from the start of the relationship, but there are those men who hold on to their money as if they fear spending it.  Then you have those men in between who know how to balance their wealth and spread it around such as: save, invest, donate, and so on.  When you are in a relationship with any woman, whether young or old, you have to take a good long look at yourself.  When things start to go wrong, you have to admit that somewhere down the line you presented yourself one way and your date saw you in a totally different way.  Whether you were clear about your intentions, habits, beliefs and other things, evidently you didn't make your point crystal clear--now the drama begins.

Some men disguise themselves as being the playful, outgoing and talkative types with younger women, at least in the beginning of the relationship; however, in time, they begin to get comfortable, too comfortable.  The same is true for younger women too.  Rather than seeing his younger partner as different than he and vice versa while trying to adjust, he hopes that she will act more like him--laid back, a home body, and whatever else he truly sees himself to be.

Younger, active women have a hard time with older men who don't have much going on outside their jobs and television screens.  If a mature date presented himself not to be the couch potato type early on, then that is what she expects to see, a man who is doing more outside or around the home besides sitting, eating and sleeping.  When the truth comes out about some older men's intentions, habits, and more, he becomes irritable, disappointed, and somehow blames his partner for the false impression he gave her from the start.  "I don't like going places...I don't like seeing shows...I prefer to stay home...I never said I liked that..." the once handsome, active older man who presented himself as such, behind the scenes, is nothing more than a grumpy old man.  Now the relationship takes an ugly turn, "Well, if I would have known this is how you truly are...I would have..." the younger woman complains.  "I thought you knew I was this way!" he retorts.

Age differences play a part in a May-December relationship.  There are those older men who prefer to go to bed early, while others stay up late into the night while nodding on and off in front of TV or computer screens.  There are younger women who do the same.  But if no one shows his or her true colors from the start, then you don't know what you might get later on down the road.

You are what you create.  If you don't want a gold digger, then don't spend money like your younger date is one.  If you don't want a lazy older man, then don't do everything for him.  You get the point?  So do take a good, long look at what you have done so far that caused unnecessary drama in your relationship and work to change it before someone threatens to break up--that is if that hasn't happened already (sigh).

Nicholl McGuire

Mary-Kate Olsen and Olivier Sarkozy's Unlikely Romance Is Still Going Strong - Yahoo! omg!

In this example, Mary Kate looks very young especially in one photo where she looks like his daughter. It makes one feel like the dirty older man is being naughty.

If you are going to date someone who doesn't look close to your age, you might want to lose the little girl look if you want to gain some respect.  Unfortunately, looks matter in our society.
Mary-Kate Olsen and Olivier Sarkozy's Unlikely Romance Is Still Going Strong - Yahoo! omg!

You going to get worms - older dating younger - YouTube

"You gon' get worms!"  This is a statement that some older people in the African American community tease younger people with for dating someone older.   Funny video with valid points, enjoy!

You gone get worms - YouTube


Do Some Say You Are Wise? Your Date Might Not Appreciate Wisdom

Nowadays lighthearted, silly statements in videos, movies and songs seem to get the popular vote.  For many, life is just too dull, serious, routine, and so on.  So single daters seek a pick me up whether that be in a person, place or thing.  However, what daters should seek is love and wisdom above moments of laughter. 

Many young people who haven’t experienced much in life such as: long-term relationships, consistent employment, foreign travel, years of parenting, etc. bring a limited view to one deemed wise and one who is mature and has no direction, well he or she is considered nothing more than a fool.   

Now if you put two immature, inexperienced people together, the chances that the couple will get along are quite good at least for a time until serious issues come up.  But if you pair a wise person (whether young or old) with someone who is unwise mentally and spiritually, you will have an unbalanced relationship where one is often investing knowledge, love, experiences, and possibly money, while the other is like a bump on a log.  After awhile, the one receiving all those wise tips is going to get weary of his or her partner, since he or she has very little to bring to the relationship, and eventually resent him or her.  On the other hand, the wise person is going to regret having wasted so much time hoping for compatibility and a return on his or her investment.  

Foolish people don’t like spiritual people and vice versa.  If you are wise, don’t manipulate yourself into thinking that you can change, re-arrange, create, or motivate a silly, immature or uneducated person to act the way you want.  If you believe this, then consider yourself controlling.   

Now there are those who you know who may enjoy your teachings and thoughtful insight, but they don’t spend as much time with you like an intimate partner would.  Wisdom is not popular, doesn’t rank high when it comes to character attributes, and isn’t what young people consider, “Cool.” Besides, there are even older adults who run from wisdom because they don’t want to feel:  old, convicted about sins, or think they should change.

So if you are one who has been told you are “wise,” be mindful that those you might attract may not be as wise as you.  They also will not help you toward creating the kind of relationship you so desire either especially if they don’t respect or appreciate wise people.   

You can test dates simply by sharing biblical quotes, thoughts on love, philosophical concepts related to things you think he or she enjoys, etc.  Then watch your date's reactions.  Do this enough times in different ways on different days (especially bible related verses), and the apple of your eye will begin to look spoiled to you.  Once you realize this person is definitely not someone you could see yourself spending your life with, break free.  Don’t be like so many who try to rescue, rehabilitate, change, or build up fools.  If one cannot or refuses to do anything that will make them better in all that he or she does, yet you are this type, then you don’t want to choose the broken, emotionally hurt, and wounded for a life-long partner.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street and other books.

This Song Good Example of the Games Some Men Play



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