Dating A Much Older Man/ The Positive Side👴

What I've Learned Dating Older Men | erica35mm

The Wise Older Men Who will Not be Played by Youth and Beauty

Around the globe, there are many older men, whether immature or not, who date younger women, but for the wise man, he is not like other men, who may be older by number, yet still have much growing up to do.

Experienced and mature, the older, single man refuses to be misled by a wayward young woman who knows little about him or respects his life experiences.  The unwise and immature woman assumes she knows him, because her father, uncle, male co-worker and ex-boyfriend are older.  She may have been spoiled or not by the men in her life.  She may have envisioned what her ideal younger Mr. Right might be, yet learned the hard way that he simply doesn't exist.  She may have a list of 20 plus things she wants from a man, based on her conversations with older women, and still hasn't scored big.  The young lady may have deceptive plans to get her needs met by any means necessary.  

After learning of a young woman's ill intentions, the mature man will not be so kind, no matter how beautiful. He is aware of the youthful one who fakes interest in him just so that she can fulfill a void or worse get close to his connections, material assets or other more attractive things.  

These charming young women, who unfortunately do manipulative things, will eventually "need space, want to break up" when they have had enough of the older man's resistance and wise observations. The mature man just might drive the poor girl out of his life, because he has seen that type before!

When we think of those abusive older men, who were quite cruel, to young women, we may have overlooked their reasons as to why they behaved so harshly.  Of course, it is not ever acceptable to abuse anyone, but what might have triggered some abusive older men to behave so disrespectfully with younger women?  For some men, they realized that what they did in their youth to others, came back around full circle and they hated their younger partners for it!  The idea that someone so beautiful, friendly, and considerate could so easily and effortlessly hurt them is too much too deal with for some disturbed men, so they go off mentally and/or physically!  The older men, who are known abusers, are dangerous and will not tolerate younger women lying, stealing, cheating, or doing any other things to hurt them whether justified or not.

Now the more self-controlled older man, wise in his ways, he will be strategic in what he does to learn more about the young woman who he might suspect has her share of motives for agreeing to date him.  He will not be so easily charmed into believing that the woman is in like or love with him.  He realizes that there is a significant age difference and so with that he will have many questions and would want very much to find out, "Why me?  What does she like about me?  What does she really want from me?"  He has every right to question what is it about this young lady that she is drawn to concerning him especially when most young women wouldn't even look twice at him much less accept his advances.  

At the start of the relationship, it will seem too good to be true.  That's because it probably is!  Whether the young lady knows that she has her share of personal issues or not concerning dating older men, for the logical-minded man, he knows that one day she will awake to a harsh truth, her personal reality, that someone or something was absent in her life and that the older man who is in her life now is there to fulfill that void.  For the sake of her beauty, attention and warm affection, the older man, whether wise or not, just might accept his role, but in the back of his mind he knows the truth.

When dating the younger woman, the wise older man is not going to be too concerned about the challenges he faces while dating her, because as a man, most people are not going to approach him with, "Why are you dating her?"  They know better.  He also knows that he has more life experience so he knows that he can provide some value to her life.  What may bother him in time, however, is what can the young woman really do for him?  Is she an added benefit to his life or a burden?  He may be tempted to "train" her into a role that she may or may not be willing to accept.  During the early part of the relationship, she may be resistant to his requests and strategies.  Unfortunately, she might view what he is suggesting/advising/arguing about as being controlling.

Many challenges might arise in the May-December romance, but ultimately what is to be learned is that the wise older man is not easily charmed by the youth and beauty of a woman.

Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and contributor and author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues  

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Age gap dating.  You thought you could stick it out, but he is just too old or she is just too young.  You didn't think much about this before, but now there are things he or she is saying or doing that make you think twice about continuing an age gap relationship.  Chances are your well-meaning relatives warn you of times like these, but you said, "Age ain't nothing but a number." Sure.

To stay or break up?  You probably thought about the following:

1)  If I stay I could remain in what could be a potentially great relationship when I'm older.

2)  If I stay my partner might change into the man or woman of my dreams.

3)  If I stay, he or she might be a great dad or mom to my future offspring.

4)  If I stay, I might be well taken care of and continue to feel safe for a long time with him or her.

5)  If I stay, we might acquire much in our lifetimes and I won't have to worry so much. 

But if I break up...

1)  I will be free to date other men or women closer to my age.

2)  I won't have to be concerned about having children one day.

3)  I won't wrestle so much with feelings related to the age gap any longer.

4)  I won't have to take care of him in the future since it appears his health is declining. 

I won't have to worry that she will run off and be with someone more healthier and fit.

5)  I won't have to keep up with his requests and demands because he assumes I'm younger so I can handle them.

I won't have to keep up with this young woman's requests and demands, because I am too old for this---been there, done that!

These thoughts are just some of many that might go through a woman or man's mind who is contemplating on staying or breaking up.  If an older partner doesn't know or refuses to talk about the issues, the break up is inevitable.  If the younger woman has a nonchalant attitude about these issues when discussed, the mature gentleman will want to break up with her sooner rather than later.  

One will need to look at what is driving the negative thoughts.  Did he or she view media that made him or her think about these things?  Did someone talk to a partner and raise doubts?  Has future plans changed that doesn't include a partner?  Have there been so many disagreements lately that may be causing discord?  Do both people feel like there are not enough things they have in common with one another to sustain the relationship?

Whatever the issues, there is nothing wrong with looking inwardly at what you really want from the relationship.  In any relationship, whether age gap or not, people change.  Some couples grow weary of one another because there was never any solid foundation between the pair from the start.  The older gentleman or younger woman could have been a rebound from a past relationship that left he or she heartbroken.  Therefore, the new partner was a nice distraction from the past pain, but didn't do much more than that emotionally, spiritually, and/or physically.  

The age gap pair could have developed a trauma bound because they had more negative in common than positive when they shared experiences.  They may have been great friends that thought having a sexual relationship would be a good idea only to find out they should have remained platonic friends. 

Decide what it is that you truly want out of your life, before discussing whether you want to stay or break up with a partner.  Ask yourself the following:

1)  Have I begun to work on or accomplish my dreams since being with this person?

2)  Is this person a great support in helping me reach my life goals or does he or she look for ways to talk me out of doing things I thoroughly enjoy?  (If you don't have any goals start writing them.)

3)  By next Valentine's Day, what did we accomplish together that bettered our relationship?

4)  When this person comes around me or when they call me, do I feel content to hear his or her voice or does this person simply annoy me and I can't wait to get away from her or him?

5)  Can I honestly say that I love this person not just what they do for me or the kind words they say to me?

6)  Do I feel proud being out in public with this person or do I look for ways to avoid inviting this person to go out with me? 

7)  Can I see myself with this person 5, 10, or even 15 plus years from now?  Why or why not?

If you answered most of these questions with negative responses and you really have no desire to do anything different, it is safe to say that maybe this person isn't right for you regardless of his or her age.  

Whenever positives outweigh the negatives in any relationship and there is no way of resolving them, this is when the hard decisions will need to be made.  Two people must be willing to work together on the issues rather than frequently arguing about them. 

Think about this, if you honestly believe your relationship is a dead-end headed nowhere, why continue to be unavailable to that one person (somewhere in this world) who really wants to be with you while being available to that one person who doesn't complete you and appears to care less about you?

Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues.

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