It happens you are the young lady that has captivated the interest of an older man whether he is with a partner or not. You can see from his lustful staring at your face and/or body that he is interested. However, do you really want to talk with a man who looks at you like you are a fresh cut of meat? Here's why men like this are such a turn-off for some young women.
1) He usually does the same to other young women.
2) When he is with a partner looking lustfully at other women, it is safe to say he is disrespectful to her as well as other ladies he is around and lacks self-control.
3) Young women who are busy tending to an errand, focused on getting somewhere, or walking with a partner aren't the least bit interested in an older man who creeps them out with all his staring.
There are other reasons why men like this are better left alone. Looking at any woman with a lustful look is not only something that might get some old man hurt by her younger partner, father, or brother, but it also says a lot about him, "Keep away."
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men.
Friday
Tuesday
10 Hollywood Age Gap Romances
The number of Hollywood age gap romances and marriages continues to grow between older men and younger women. Here are more you may have known about or not.
1) David Foster, 67, and Katharine McPhee, 33, ignite romance rumors
2) Steven Tyler made things red carpet official with Aimee Preston, his personal assistant, at an Oscar party in February 2016. She's 39 years younger than the Aerosmith rocker
3) David Cross and Amber Tamblyn
4) Rowan Atkinson is 28 years older than Louise Ford
5) Jeff Goldblum is 31 years older than Emilie Livingston
6) Kelsey Grammer married Katy Walsh (27-years-younger)
7) Alec Baldwin with 26-years-younger wife, Hilaria Baldwin
8) Susan Crow is Tony Bennett's third wife, and she is 40 years younger than Tony
9) Mel Gibson's girlfriend Rosalind Ross is 35 years younger
10) Camila Alves and Matthew McConaughey have a 14-year age difference
1) David Foster, 67, and Katharine McPhee, 33, ignite romance rumors
2) Steven Tyler made things red carpet official with Aimee Preston, his personal assistant, at an Oscar party in February 2016. She's 39 years younger than the Aerosmith rocker
3) David Cross and Amber Tamblyn
4) Rowan Atkinson is 28 years older than Louise Ford
5) Jeff Goldblum is 31 years older than Emilie Livingston
6) Kelsey Grammer married Katy Walsh (27-years-younger)
7) Alec Baldwin with 26-years-younger wife, Hilaria Baldwin
8) Susan Crow is Tony Bennett's third wife, and she is 40 years younger than Tony
9) Mel Gibson's girlfriend Rosalind Ross is 35 years younger
10) Camila Alves and Matthew McConaughey have a 14-year age difference
Active and Inactive Older Men, Younger Women
If you are one who doesn't have much of a lifestyle outside of the workplace, then think twice about involving yourself with an active, fit woman. She will tire you out! You will find yourself wanting her to change her activities to suit you. "When will we get together again? I was just wondering when you will come back so that we can sit on the couch, stuff our faces, and watch movies together?" Would you a mere 20 plus want to keep seeing a guy like that? So what does the active guy got that the inactive guy doesn't? Energy. Simply put he does the kind of activities that keep him mentally and physically fulfilled. When you call this guy he is out in the yard working, on the treadmill, at the mall, helping his parents out, and then he winds down after work. He doesn't relax before the day even gets started! But the inactive guy is often pleasuring himself first before he even thinks about tending to something like washing dishes, performing yard work, or shopping. He puts off much unless he is getting paid for it i.e. he'll show up for work, but then how much work is really doing?
Now if an older man desires to attract and keep a young woman, it would make plenty of sense to do the kind of things that will keep him physically fit. The secret is many fit young women are not too happy with their overweight partners no matter how much money or time you spend with them. I have met these women online and a couple have considered dating men who are younger despite being married to older partners. You see money is great when you have it, but what it can't do is change the mind of someone who is uninterested in dating or remaining in a relationship with someone who has let his or herself go. Whoever said fat, lazy, and inconsiderate is okay needs their head examined, but so many people want others to accept things in their lifestyles that they can manage.
An active guy who cares about himself as well as others is definitely a good catch and if a woman is like him, the pair just might be great together. However, when one is not-so active and the other is, there might be challenges such as:
1. The active partner wants to go places and participate in activities more frequently.
2. The inactive partner enjoys spending most days parked in front of electronic devices.
3. The active partner is sociable and has a life outside of work and a relationship.
4. The inactive partner often complains that he or she isn't getting enough attention.
5. The fit partner enjoys looking good for self and others.
6. The not-so fit partner tends to act jealous and/or controlling. He or she also fear that one's partner will meet someone who is more attractive.
Now some people have their share of personal issues which makes them less active. Consider the aging process and health challenges for starters. If a partner's health problems are a concern, one might consider dating people his or her own age, rather than demand a young or older partner to change his or her lifestyle while mistreating him or her.
Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and the author of Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues available in print and eBook.
Now if an older man desires to attract and keep a young woman, it would make plenty of sense to do the kind of things that will keep him physically fit. The secret is many fit young women are not too happy with their overweight partners no matter how much money or time you spend with them. I have met these women online and a couple have considered dating men who are younger despite being married to older partners. You see money is great when you have it, but what it can't do is change the mind of someone who is uninterested in dating or remaining in a relationship with someone who has let his or herself go. Whoever said fat, lazy, and inconsiderate is okay needs their head examined, but so many people want others to accept things in their lifestyles that they can manage.
An active guy who cares about himself as well as others is definitely a good catch and if a woman is like him, the pair just might be great together. However, when one is not-so active and the other is, there might be challenges such as:
1. The active partner wants to go places and participate in activities more frequently.
2. The inactive partner enjoys spending most days parked in front of electronic devices.
3. The active partner is sociable and has a life outside of work and a relationship.
4. The inactive partner often complains that he or she isn't getting enough attention.
5. The fit partner enjoys looking good for self and others.
6. The not-so fit partner tends to act jealous and/or controlling. He or she also fear that one's partner will meet someone who is more attractive.
Now some people have their share of personal issues which makes them less active. Consider the aging process and health challenges for starters. If a partner's health problems are a concern, one might consider dating people his or her own age, rather than demand a young or older partner to change his or her lifestyle while mistreating him or her.
Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and the author of Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues available in print and eBook.
Young Women: The Older He is, The Closer to His Grave
Live life to the fullest, but keep in mind, he just might not be around as long as he thinks.
Besides, do you have a cap on how old is too old for you?--lol
Tuesday
Being Overweight and Obese Affects Relationships Sooner or Later
We can convince ourselves all we want that being overweight or simply fat is unimportant like we do when we say, "Age is nothing but a number." Yet, health issues are important as indicated in other blog posts on this site and when you are in denial, you only make matters worse for you and those you claim to love.
There isn't anything sexy about a man or woman who can't walk very far, doesn't enjoy periodic sex due to health issues, and makes excuses as to why he or she refuses to improve one's self. Then throw in unflattering clothing, a body odor and mood swings due to weight related problems.
I think of a man who was quite small in stature who dated and eventually married an obese woman. Both are now deceased (RIP), but I learned a thing or two from observing those two. Love didn't conquer the wife's obese issue. The man acted impatient and mean-spirited to her. He had his drinking problem and she had her overeating challenges before the pair met one another. In time, the slim alcoholic cheated on her with other women who didn't look anything like her while she kept right on buying, cooking and eating her comfort foods. The large woman, who later separated and then divorced her cheating husband, wasn't in denial about her weight issue, but rather than stay on top of improving herself, she sought the attention of men who would accept her just the way she was. Needless to say all she got was friendship with one.
For the singles, keep searching for someone who is accepting of your weight issue, but keep in mind that at some point in the relationship, you and your future partner will have to face reality regardless of what motivational speakers and books say in their attempt to make you feel good about eating badly and being phat (fat).
An overweight person comes with his or her share of challenges and just because he or she doesn't have symptoms now doesn't mean they won't ever. According to medical reports here's what to look out for: type 2 diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, nonalcoholic fatty liver disease (excess fat and inflammation in the liver of people who drink little or no alcohol), osteoarthritis (a health problem causing pain, swelling, and stiffness in one or more joints), some types of cancer: breast, colon, endometrial (related to the uterine lining), and kidney stroke. Add sexual issues for some to this list. Due to the weight, an obese person is limited to what he or she can do. Sometimes it is hit or miss when trying to make a partner reach orgasm because he or she tires quickly. You can learn more about overweight and obesity related issues here.
With so many symptoms related to eating one's favorite comfort foods far more than necessary, how might these health ailments impact one's age gap relationship? Not only is the young woman dealing with the aging processing of her older partner, but his weight issues too. Then again, it may be the other way around, the mature man having to remind his younger companion to stop eating so much.
When one is battling with weight loss, he or she isn't going to be the nicest person to be around. The individual will have his or her share of mood problems, hunger pains, and frustrations while expecting one's partner to be more understanding. The person may not be in the mood for sex due to strenuous workouts leaving muscles sore or a lack of exercise while body weight continues to increase.
Sometimes people start off well eating healthy and exercising, but once they feel comfortable in a relationship, they let themselves go. This is when the arguments increase. Let's face it who we were attracted to initially is what we hope to see for as long as we are in a relationship with her or him. But if we can't stand change, then we aren't going to do so well especially if we are hung up on appearance. The person may lose the weight, but then he or she may not. What will you do?
So before you shrug your shoulders and say, "I don't care that he (or she) is overweight..." think again particularly if you pride yourself on being physically fit or you are working hard to lose the weight. Some men think they can change women and some women think they can change men. Well in a May-December romance, it is going to be quite difficult to teach a stubborn old dog new tricks.
Nicholl
Twitter @bodyhealthnews
There isn't anything sexy about a man or woman who can't walk very far, doesn't enjoy periodic sex due to health issues, and makes excuses as to why he or she refuses to improve one's self. Then throw in unflattering clothing, a body odor and mood swings due to weight related problems.
I think of a man who was quite small in stature who dated and eventually married an obese woman. Both are now deceased (RIP), but I learned a thing or two from observing those two. Love didn't conquer the wife's obese issue. The man acted impatient and mean-spirited to her. He had his drinking problem and she had her overeating challenges before the pair met one another. In time, the slim alcoholic cheated on her with other women who didn't look anything like her while she kept right on buying, cooking and eating her comfort foods. The large woman, who later separated and then divorced her cheating husband, wasn't in denial about her weight issue, but rather than stay on top of improving herself, she sought the attention of men who would accept her just the way she was. Needless to say all she got was friendship with one.
For the singles, keep searching for someone who is accepting of your weight issue, but keep in mind that at some point in the relationship, you and your future partner will have to face reality regardless of what motivational speakers and books say in their attempt to make you feel good about eating badly and being phat (fat).
An overweight person comes with his or her share of challenges and just because he or she doesn't have symptoms now doesn't mean they won't ever. According to medical reports here's what to look out for: type 2 diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, nonalcoholic fatty liver disease (excess fat and inflammation in the liver of people who drink little or no alcohol), osteoarthritis (a health problem causing pain, swelling, and stiffness in one or more joints), some types of cancer: breast, colon, endometrial (related to the uterine lining), and kidney stroke. Add sexual issues for some to this list. Due to the weight, an obese person is limited to what he or she can do. Sometimes it is hit or miss when trying to make a partner reach orgasm because he or she tires quickly. You can learn more about overweight and obesity related issues here.
With so many symptoms related to eating one's favorite comfort foods far more than necessary, how might these health ailments impact one's age gap relationship? Not only is the young woman dealing with the aging processing of her older partner, but his weight issues too. Then again, it may be the other way around, the mature man having to remind his younger companion to stop eating so much.
When one is battling with weight loss, he or she isn't going to be the nicest person to be around. The individual will have his or her share of mood problems, hunger pains, and frustrations while expecting one's partner to be more understanding. The person may not be in the mood for sex due to strenuous workouts leaving muscles sore or a lack of exercise while body weight continues to increase.
Sometimes people start off well eating healthy and exercising, but once they feel comfortable in a relationship, they let themselves go. This is when the arguments increase. Let's face it who we were attracted to initially is what we hope to see for as long as we are in a relationship with her or him. But if we can't stand change, then we aren't going to do so well especially if we are hung up on appearance. The person may lose the weight, but then he or she may not. What will you do?
So before you shrug your shoulders and say, "I don't care that he (or she) is overweight..." think again particularly if you pride yourself on being physically fit or you are working hard to lose the weight. Some men think they can change women and some women think they can change men. Well in a May-December romance, it is going to be quite difficult to teach a stubborn old dog new tricks.
Nicholl
Twitter @bodyhealthnews
Monday
Older Men - Is Your Age Starting to Get the Best of Your Younger Partner?
Okay so the thought of the older guy getting older is no big deal for some young women, but for others, it is a big deal. The grim thoughts of what a future may "look" like is important to those women who grew up in families where appearance is everything, fitness is essential, and being with a good provider for one's beloved daughter/sister/niece is weighty. Oh yes, the older man must step it up in order to remain relevant in the beautiful young lady's life otherwise he runs the risk of being left behind.
Now there are those young women who view love, compassion, respect, and kindness toward their older partners significant in order to make a relationship work, that is when they receive such positive behaviors in return. However, older women who have been in marriages 10 plus years with partners who are seniors (and not coping so well with midlife) know better that there are days when being nice, patient, and sweet is not what they would say about them. "He has his days," says one unnamed older woman. But in all fairness, women have their days too at any age, but this post isn't about them. So we will stick to discussing those issues that young women have with their older partners maturing.
One young lady reached out to me about a year ago complaining about the lack of sex in her relationship and she was disappointed that her partner wanted less sex. There was an age difference of 16 years from what I recall. Then another woman said the same thing about her older partner and then another and another with one sharing quite boldly, "There was no sex and she was considering on having an affair." What the? I started thinking there was an epidemic-- little or no sex!? Now in each situation, the men didn't express any emotional or physical problems to their partners, but with the sheer amount of advertising for male supplements, it is safe to say a lot is going on with men like women.
Think about this, if an older guy expects a young, attractive woman with a healthy sex drive to be celibate in a marriage or committed relationship while claiming there is nothing wrong with him, someone is asking for trouble. The cover up is to blame the woman for everything that is wrong. "We didn't get along...Your mother was difficult. She had problems. She didn't want sex. I tried to be affectionate, but she didn't respond." says dad/uncle/friend. When the truth is the old guy wasn't putting out--taking care of his woman and she reached that point of frustration where she just couldn't take the b.s. any longer! Just be honest. Throw in cheating on the lady and it doesn't help matters, because the old guy will soon discover he doesn't have it going on with the new gal either!
For years, a male relative blamed all the women who came and went out of his life for the relationship's demise, but we knew he was the problem. There were old, young, light, dark, tall, skinny, fat, from city to country, with children and without--a lot of women. As children we called them, "Ms. or Miss..." He dressed up his problem with designer suits. He detailed his cars to lure women. He took the women to nice places and traveled with them. And he still couldn't keep any for long until he got older and played the "poor old guy" card with one gullible, young woman. She stuck around for less than 10 years and played nurse to him for a small stipend. Eventually his young partner became very ill herself and passed away. The moral to that story I had learned was don't ever assume that because you are younger you will outlive your gentleman friend.
Some older men will complain like older women about not being in the mood. Understandably so. The aging process is hellish for some couples especially when they don't take care of themselves like: forgetfulness, chronic pain, mood swings, irritability, impatience, anger outbursts, etc. But my question to older men, who know they have issues, why rob a young woman of her youthfulness just to temporarily feel good while telling the guys, "Hey I got a young wife/girlfriend/mistress?" Act wise and let her go freely rather than act selfishly. As I said in a past blog entry, sooner or later that young lady will wake up to the truth and when she does, she will resent you for the false promises, lies, and other things you claimed you could do for her, but chose not to.
Don't wonder why the following occurs in an age gap relationship: increase in arguing with the young lady, anger because you don't like to do much, eye rolls from her family, the sudden rise of tension between what use to be a happy couple, and the mean-spiritedness she has toward you that seems to appear out of thin air with no rhyme or reason. Getting older is the last thing a young woman is thinking about, but when she is paired with an older man who is slowly or rapidly changing, it forces her to face something she rather not. "Where did time go?" she thinks. "And what was I thinking getting involved with an older man? I should have listened to my parents...grandparents...friends!" Now off she goes hoping/wishing/waiting for anyone or anything to make her feel young and beautiful again. Note: All young women don't run to the arms of younger men.
When age related symptoms start growing like weeds and the one with the most issues chooses to do nothing about them, expect to get what you pay or don't pay for--problems. The idea that someone is getting older affects all who are close to them. Think of how it made you feel to see your parents, siblings, and other relatives age, what might the young lady be going through? Are you making it any easier for her to adjust?
Nicholl McGuire
Now there are those young women who view love, compassion, respect, and kindness toward their older partners significant in order to make a relationship work, that is when they receive such positive behaviors in return. However, older women who have been in marriages 10 plus years with partners who are seniors (and not coping so well with midlife) know better that there are days when being nice, patient, and sweet is not what they would say about them. "He has his days," says one unnamed older woman. But in all fairness, women have their days too at any age, but this post isn't about them. So we will stick to discussing those issues that young women have with their older partners maturing.
One young lady reached out to me about a year ago complaining about the lack of sex in her relationship and she was disappointed that her partner wanted less sex. There was an age difference of 16 years from what I recall. Then another woman said the same thing about her older partner and then another and another with one sharing quite boldly, "There was no sex and she was considering on having an affair." What the? I started thinking there was an epidemic-- little or no sex!? Now in each situation, the men didn't express any emotional or physical problems to their partners, but with the sheer amount of advertising for male supplements, it is safe to say a lot is going on with men like women.
Think about this, if an older guy expects a young, attractive woman with a healthy sex drive to be celibate in a marriage or committed relationship while claiming there is nothing wrong with him, someone is asking for trouble. The cover up is to blame the woman for everything that is wrong. "We didn't get along...Your mother was difficult. She had problems. She didn't want sex. I tried to be affectionate, but she didn't respond." says dad/uncle/friend. When the truth is the old guy wasn't putting out--taking care of his woman and she reached that point of frustration where she just couldn't take the b.s. any longer! Just be honest. Throw in cheating on the lady and it doesn't help matters, because the old guy will soon discover he doesn't have it going on with the new gal either!
For years, a male relative blamed all the women who came and went out of his life for the relationship's demise, but we knew he was the problem. There were old, young, light, dark, tall, skinny, fat, from city to country, with children and without--a lot of women. As children we called them, "Ms. or Miss..." He dressed up his problem with designer suits. He detailed his cars to lure women. He took the women to nice places and traveled with them. And he still couldn't keep any for long until he got older and played the "poor old guy" card with one gullible, young woman. She stuck around for less than 10 years and played nurse to him for a small stipend. Eventually his young partner became very ill herself and passed away. The moral to that story I had learned was don't ever assume that because you are younger you will outlive your gentleman friend.
Some older men will complain like older women about not being in the mood. Understandably so. The aging process is hellish for some couples especially when they don't take care of themselves like: forgetfulness, chronic pain, mood swings, irritability, impatience, anger outbursts, etc. But my question to older men, who know they have issues, why rob a young woman of her youthfulness just to temporarily feel good while telling the guys, "Hey I got a young wife/girlfriend/mistress?" Act wise and let her go freely rather than act selfishly. As I said in a past blog entry, sooner or later that young lady will wake up to the truth and when she does, she will resent you for the false promises, lies, and other things you claimed you could do for her, but chose not to.
Don't wonder why the following occurs in an age gap relationship: increase in arguing with the young lady, anger because you don't like to do much, eye rolls from her family, the sudden rise of tension between what use to be a happy couple, and the mean-spiritedness she has toward you that seems to appear out of thin air with no rhyme or reason. Getting older is the last thing a young woman is thinking about, but when she is paired with an older man who is slowly or rapidly changing, it forces her to face something she rather not. "Where did time go?" she thinks. "And what was I thinking getting involved with an older man? I should have listened to my parents...grandparents...friends!" Now off she goes hoping/wishing/waiting for anyone or anything to make her feel young and beautiful again. Note: All young women don't run to the arms of younger men.
When age related symptoms start growing like weeds and the one with the most issues chooses to do nothing about them, expect to get what you pay or don't pay for--problems. The idea that someone is getting older affects all who are close to them. Think of how it made you feel to see your parents, siblings, and other relatives age, what might the young lady be going through? Are you making it any easier for her to adjust?
Nicholl McGuire
Thursday
Is Not Listening to Tips, Concerns and Suggestions Contributing to Your Relationship Problems?
Intimate relationships were never meant to be handled like an
inactive suggestion box. So why do we do it? Why do we state our
every concern, suggestion, and problem to our partners only for them
to just sit in the suggestion box locked away. You may have a box at
work filled with all sorts of tips, concerns and problems to get the
company moving in the right direction this year, but you never bother
to open it or tell those in authority to open it. Why have a
suggestion box at work or at home and you never do anything with it?
At home we most likely don’t have a tip box, but we give our concerns and suggestions as we walk by one another, sit down at a meal, or in between commercials in front of the television screen. He hears you and you hear him, but what comes of the conversation, my friend? Do you plan, make changes and set dates to get things done? Does he strategize to do anything differently? The answer to these questions is most likely not, because if you did you wouldn’t have as many relationship problems as you do. Some of you wouldn’t post on sites like popular social networking site, Facebook, under relationship status “complicated.” Your concerns, suggestions, and tips have been falling on deaf ears for days, weeks, even decades. What will it take to make something happen in your relationship? What will you have to do to see to it that everything you and your partner discussed gets done?
The best way to teach someone is by example. If there is something he or she is doing that you don’t like, you have to be the example. You get out there and get the support you need for your own habits. You start making the changes on the outside and inside that will make you feel better about yourself. You put aside the money you need to get the tasks done around the house. You do whatever you need to do to send a loud and clear message, “I don’t have time to be sitting down waiting around for you.” For instance, when a person cheats although it is a heartless, evil way to send a message to the one they supposedly love, it gets results, doesn’t it? Either the couple will stay together and make some changes in their relationship or break away from one other while realizing what failed in their past relationship. Do I advocate such a cruel act to get results, no way! But what I am saying is that it takes something either good or bad to wake people up in a relationship that seems to be spiraling downward.
I personally have been a victim of cheating back in my twenties and early 30s and the person doing the cheating, but I realized the things I did and didn’t do early on in the relationship such as, when my advisors told me, “He’s not the one. He’s no good for you” and I chose not to listen. I also have been the one to attend church alone, the one who separated from my partners days, weeks, and months at a time until they behaved or the relationship ended, sacrifice jobs, stop drinking and going out clubs and bars, cut off certain toxic friends, rearrange the household to benefit everyone even though I didn’t want to, limit spending including not buying the latest fashions and getting my hair done at the salon, and the one who had to apologize and make things right when I was in the wrong. I could go on and on but you understand that the only way sometimes to achieve peace in the household is to make a sacrifice of some sort.
If you have ever been called hard-headed, stubborn, immature, or self-righteous and nothing major has happened yet in your relationship to get you to change, well just stay in it long enough and some serious changes are bound to happen within days, weeks or years of you reading this article. Why wait until something negative occurs in your relationship to influence you to change? Why not take the gentle reminders, the notes on the wall, the light-hearted talks, the recent arguments, the tears you recently witnessed from your mate to motivate you toward change?
Not only should we listen to our partner, but we have to do too! She wants you to fix something, take her out, buy her something, why not do it? He wants you to be cautious of your tone of voice, help out more, or watch your spending habits? Why not do it? You may already know what will happen if you don’t. Some of you women reading this are feeling threatened in your relationship by someone or something, you know why you feel this way. Because there is something you know you aren’t doing. Maybe you should have ended the relationship a long time ago, but chose not to.
Nowadays you are mentally and physically suffering staying in something you don’t really want. Maybe some of you men reading this should stop drinking, because you know how alcohol affects you. It’s only a matter of time that someone will end up in jail or dead due to your abuse. Maybe you are one of those workaholics that should really consider what your partner is saying when he or she says, “I need you.” Maybe you are a man reading this whose partner says, “I need your attention,” but you rather yell about who she is talking to on the Internet and that co-worker she talks about at work. Maybe all of us need to stop spending so much time on the Internet and spend more time with those we say we love while doing the things around the house we have been putting off for weeks. Ask yourself, “Is it too late? Am I willing to do my part to see this relationship through until death do us part or is it better I leave?”
“Life is too short” so the old adage goes. So with that said, you need to make up in your mind how you want to live your last days on this earth. Do you want to live a life with someone who is willing to do whatever it takes to make your relationship work or would you rather go off on your own and hopefully find someone who may be better for you? Whatever you choose, don’t let another year go by without making a decision.
Nicholl McGuire also manages the blog Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.
At home we most likely don’t have a tip box, but we give our concerns and suggestions as we walk by one another, sit down at a meal, or in between commercials in front of the television screen. He hears you and you hear him, but what comes of the conversation, my friend? Do you plan, make changes and set dates to get things done? Does he strategize to do anything differently? The answer to these questions is most likely not, because if you did you wouldn’t have as many relationship problems as you do. Some of you wouldn’t post on sites like popular social networking site, Facebook, under relationship status “complicated.” Your concerns, suggestions, and tips have been falling on deaf ears for days, weeks, even decades. What will it take to make something happen in your relationship? What will you have to do to see to it that everything you and your partner discussed gets done?
The best way to teach someone is by example. If there is something he or she is doing that you don’t like, you have to be the example. You get out there and get the support you need for your own habits. You start making the changes on the outside and inside that will make you feel better about yourself. You put aside the money you need to get the tasks done around the house. You do whatever you need to do to send a loud and clear message, “I don’t have time to be sitting down waiting around for you.” For instance, when a person cheats although it is a heartless, evil way to send a message to the one they supposedly love, it gets results, doesn’t it? Either the couple will stay together and make some changes in their relationship or break away from one other while realizing what failed in their past relationship. Do I advocate such a cruel act to get results, no way! But what I am saying is that it takes something either good or bad to wake people up in a relationship that seems to be spiraling downward.
I personally have been a victim of cheating back in my twenties and early 30s and the person doing the cheating, but I realized the things I did and didn’t do early on in the relationship such as, when my advisors told me, “He’s not the one. He’s no good for you” and I chose not to listen. I also have been the one to attend church alone, the one who separated from my partners days, weeks, and months at a time until they behaved or the relationship ended, sacrifice jobs, stop drinking and going out clubs and bars, cut off certain toxic friends, rearrange the household to benefit everyone even though I didn’t want to, limit spending including not buying the latest fashions and getting my hair done at the salon, and the one who had to apologize and make things right when I was in the wrong. I could go on and on but you understand that the only way sometimes to achieve peace in the household is to make a sacrifice of some sort.
If you have ever been called hard-headed, stubborn, immature, or self-righteous and nothing major has happened yet in your relationship to get you to change, well just stay in it long enough and some serious changes are bound to happen within days, weeks or years of you reading this article. Why wait until something negative occurs in your relationship to influence you to change? Why not take the gentle reminders, the notes on the wall, the light-hearted talks, the recent arguments, the tears you recently witnessed from your mate to motivate you toward change?
Not only should we listen to our partner, but we have to do too! She wants you to fix something, take her out, buy her something, why not do it? He wants you to be cautious of your tone of voice, help out more, or watch your spending habits? Why not do it? You may already know what will happen if you don’t. Some of you women reading this are feeling threatened in your relationship by someone or something, you know why you feel this way. Because there is something you know you aren’t doing. Maybe you should have ended the relationship a long time ago, but chose not to.
Nowadays you are mentally and physically suffering staying in something you don’t really want. Maybe some of you men reading this should stop drinking, because you know how alcohol affects you. It’s only a matter of time that someone will end up in jail or dead due to your abuse. Maybe you are one of those workaholics that should really consider what your partner is saying when he or she says, “I need you.” Maybe you are a man reading this whose partner says, “I need your attention,” but you rather yell about who she is talking to on the Internet and that co-worker she talks about at work. Maybe all of us need to stop spending so much time on the Internet and spend more time with those we say we love while doing the things around the house we have been putting off for weeks. Ask yourself, “Is it too late? Am I willing to do my part to see this relationship through until death do us part or is it better I leave?”
“Life is too short” so the old adage goes. So with that said, you need to make up in your mind how you want to live your last days on this earth. Do you want to live a life with someone who is willing to do whatever it takes to make your relationship work or would you rather go off on your own and hopefully find someone who may be better for you? Whatever you choose, don’t let another year go by without making a decision.
Nicholl McGuire also manages the blog Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)