Thursday

How Older Men Get Good-Looking Younger Women



This video shows the real truth when it comes to how an older man is able to attract a younger woman that may appear like she is not his type.  Even if you don't agree with everything in the video, understand this is what really happens in many age-gap relationships whether it is an older man interested in dating a younger woman or an older woman interested in pursuing a relationship with a younger man.  The reality is if you are broke, busted and disgusted and act that way, you will not get what you really want.  The man in the video exudes confidence, the young woman displays energy and youthfulness.  Enjoy the video!

If You Can't Keep Up, Shut Up

Sometimes we seek people who we think are a good match for us because they have a quality that we only wished we had.  He is fun, she is attractive and smart--they both like to party.  So we reason in our minds, "I want a relationship like theirs."  Knowing full well we are ill-equipped to handle certain personalities and interests. 

Whether you are an introvert or extrovert, rich, poor, happy or miserable, it would make sense to update yourself on what you like and don't like in a relationship.  Maybe you have changed over the years.  If you find yourself getting out more alone, then most likely you will be more adventurous with someone you are dating.  Test yourself on some of those interests others enjoy before you make them your own.  If you find yourself having to struggle to keep up with your dates, you are most likely pretending to be something you are not.  Some people just aren't active, don't enjoy eating healthy, or stepping out of their comfort zones.  Others are insecure and jealous.  They don't know how to deal with public stares, out-spoken individuals, or friends, exes, family etc.  Knowing this, you can't make anyone be something they are not (at least for a long period of time).  You might be able to persuade an individual to think outside of the box, but how long they stay out the box is ultimately up to them.

Over the years, I have dated cookie cutter kind of men.  They all were cut from the same dough and shaped the same way in their thought processes.  Most enjoyed pretty much the same things--eating, sleeping, watching sports on TV, and sex on weekends.  When I tried to get them to open up about other interests, they looked at me with a dumb look or criticized me for my ideas.  Some of these men really meant well and attempted to impress me by thinking outside the box, but that was short-lived. 

When dating, you have to honestly know what you like and don't like and be sincere when you communicate your interests, boundaries and other similar things to your dates.  Putting on an act, like you are the creative type when you know you are really the logical type, will only cause friction in your future relationship.  Pretending like you are an extrovert when in fact you know you are an introvert will only cause unnecessary conflict.  From saints to sinners, don't try to be something you know you are not deep down inside just because you think it impresses someone, you are gaining some type of material wealth, etc. 

Too often couples attempt to change one another.  He doesn't like his partner acting friendly toward others so he acts negatively in an effort to get her to stop being so cordial.  She doesn't like the fact he is a couch potato so she nags him about going places.  If you can't keep up, shut up!  No sense in arguing about why a date doesn't like, doesn't want, or doesn't enjoy your company and vice versa.  Avoid the temptation to exaggerate or lie about who you are and what you like from the beginning!  Take notice of those subtle signs a date is not the one before you agree to settle down with someone who may or may not be your match. 

Nicholl McGuire

Sunday

It's Just Not Working Out, Now What?

So you tried dating older, younger, close to your own age, and every number in between but this dating stuff is wearing you out, besides you are with someone right now that you aren't completely sold on.  When you feel this way, time to fall back. 

It takes time, money and energy to date as you very well know.  But sometimes other demands in life get the best of us and then those issues start trickling over into our dating experiences.  Other times we simply don't want to be bothered with dating, but we will go ahead with a romance just because we don't want to hurt someone's feelings.  However, sooner rather than later, a date may pick up on our lack of interest and jump ship or stick around and begin to annoy us until we make a move.  It is better to cut one's losses early then to string people along especially those who are younger or older.

A man who is in his midlife years is typically looking for someone who is going to keep him company and stick around for awhile.  He realizes the importance of life and values his years hoping to finally find happiness in his personal life.  The mature man may not be interested in marriage, but desire all the things that being in a committed relationship may bring.  But, this is a selfish motive especially if he chooses to continue to date a younger woman who hopes to get married and have children one day.  She will be hurt, confused, and possibly scarred for the rest of her life, if the older man doesn't do what's right and share how he truly feels and why a long term relationship with him just isn't going to work.

As for the younger woman, she most likely feels like she has a lot of years ahead to find her true love so she may not settle with the older man, but then again there is always that possibility that she will stick around if he treats her well.  She may fight feelings of wanting to let him go, but she may put on act in the meantime until she is sure.  Now if a younger woman chooses to date an older man for reasons other than the typical companionship, sex, new experience, security, etc. then there may be something more going on with her than meets the eye.  It isn't any wonder that someone dating her doesn't know what to think of the relationship.  There is always someone who breaks the mold.

Both younger and older dates, like any other date, have their reasons why they think a romance is a bust, not worth pursuing right now, or okay but without or with the sex depending on the agreement between the couple.  But whatever you think you want or don't want from your date, be clear about it.  For example, "I am no longer interested in a romantic relationship...I think it is best we part ways because I can't give you what you want...I realize we are not a match...I prefer to focus on XYZ and have no desire to date anymore." 

Avoid the temptation to pretend like things are okay when they are not.  People who fake like there is a future with someone will be found out and when that happens don't be surprised if Crazy shows up and shows out especially if you say things like, "I love you...I want to keep having sex...Live with me...Don't leave me...Give me sometime to think about things."  Crazy will yell, "So all this time you have been leading me on?  You never really wanted me, you just wanted to use me!  You don't love me, you love my...I outta call your wife!  Better yet, tell everyone you know what I think of you!"  Uh oh.

So when you are ready to stop dating someone:

1.  Do it gradually.  Less phone calls, dates, and avoid taking this person around your family and friends.

2.  Be sure you are no longer leaving things over this person's home.

3.  Don't tell his or her relatives, friends or co-workers how you truly feel.

4.  Contact someone if you feel like your date will act violently toward you.  Record your conversation, meet in a public area, or have a police escort come with you to the residence.

5.  If the person begins to stalk you, leave a photo with the security personnel at your workplace and tell them you wish not to be contacted by this person.  Alert your family and friends you are no longer seeing this person.  If need be, get a Protection From Abuse form from your local police department and also take one out in the community where your date resides.

6.  Keep track of dates and times your date as showed up unannounced at your job, home, and also contacted you by voicemail, email, snail mail, text, online chat, etc.

Be wise and try to maintain your cool as much as possible when ending a relationship.

Nicholl McGuire also maintains this dating blog as well, click here.

Tuesday

5 Things About Older Men No Woman Likes

So you got her, but can you keep her?  The younger, intelligent woman is not going to spend the best years of her life committed to a mature man who just can't seem to understand why some things he does or doesn't do are deal breakers.  If you love her, you will do what is right--without the excuse-making, blame game, reverse psychology tactics, and emotional or physical abuse.  No sane woman is going to tolerate the following forever and always!  Sooner or later she is going to take a stand, so rather than listen to her rant, pay attention and make needed changes.

1.  Men who don't keep themselves up ie.) take daily showers, cut hair, etc.

Would you want to smell a nasty body odor from your partner or look at her disheveled hair often?  Of course not.  You would say something to her wouldn't you.  So what makes you think she wants to keep tolerating some things about you that you have obviously let go? 

2.  Men who are users and abusers.

How long will you ask her to give you something, make this, or do that before she becomes visibly upset?  Do as much as you can on your own, without her assistance, and maybe you won't look like you are using and abusing her.  As one woman once shared with me about doing for men, "Iron wears out."  A woman will grow weary of being nice to you when you don't bother to appreciate her and do what she likes sometimes without resistance.  Men have said similar things--it takes two to tango, my friend.  Would you like to be used and abused by her?

3.  Men who lie or exaggerate about things like:  who they know, where they have been, and what happened while there.

If you can't help her, don't hurt her with lies and exaggerations.  Some women are vengeful--they hold alot in before they unleash their wrath--what you thought you got away with five days ago or even five years ago just might come back to haunt you, so tell the truth!

4.  Men who say one thing and do another. ie.) He says he likes to go places, but in reality he is a couch potato.

When you have dated much, there are some things that you should know by now when it comes to women, like not telling your date you love her when you really don't  know what you feel or making yourself out to be someone that you really aren't, like a rich big shot--yeah right.  Meanwhile, the reality is you are in over your head in debt and you hope your date offers to pay sometime.  Be open!

5.  Men who have little room in their lives for a committed relationship.

As much as you would like to date that special someone, the truth is you barely have enough time to clip your toenails.  Seriously, re-think dating a young woman when you know you have little time and patience.  She will desire your attention and affection and if you can't give it to her, there will be someone else (most likely younger than you) that will fulfill that void one day.  Think before you take the leap!

These five tips are just a start on the right track when it comes to dating and keeping a young woman, I'm sure you can think of five more.  So do take the time to better yourself before arguments get out of hand.

Nicholl McGuire 

Thursday

When the Fashionably Dressed Older Man Overcompensates for His Lack

When young and older men sit back and admire a fellow brother who appears to be very successful, happy, and has many women who like him, what they don't readily see are his weaknesses and neither do those women who think he is a good catch.

Far too many young women, as well as older ones, are caught with a charming smile, false promises, and more because they fail to see manipulative tactics by deceptive older men.  Like young men, who look up to players, pimps, and hustlers, foolish women are taken by the gentleman's decor used to entice the naive, gullible, materialistic, and others who wish to walk in or beside his shoes.

The designer labels, the fat leather wallet, eye-catching jewelry, expensive cars, a big home, and other feel-good items are nothing more than distractions that lead many people away from truth.  It is very hard for one to see whether Mr. Right Now is more like Mr. Right Never Ever.

The young woman, captivated by an admirer's lustful desires, fails to see the signs that an older man is past his prime and may not satisfy her like a man her own age.  She deceives herself into thinking she is attracted to him because "He said that he would give me...He promised that he would buy me... He told me that he loved me..." when the reality is that this older man is deceiving his fans with charms that lead many women to Heartbreak Hotel.

Many older men have been dismissed as future long-term mates by observant, mature women, because they saw early on through these manipulative men's lies.  So he goes out to the local mall and elsewhere buying yet another item he doesn't need to make himself happy while seeking yet another woman who will stick around and give him what he wants before she notices his flaws.

Now some of the mature man's weaknesses are noticeable while others not so much.  Some women learn the hard way that there are those men who are physically broken--lacking in something here, there or everywhere!  One would think a man who knows he can't get along with or keep a woman for a variety of reasons would just settle with being alone, but not the determined mature man who thinks he still has what it takes from 10, 15 or 20 plus years ago!

The reality that he can't keep up with a younger woman or connect with women in his own age group soon affects various areas of his life from finances to location.  He thinks, "What can I do to make them like me?"  Some older men will dress up their broken bodies in the finest garments--especially those individuals who refuse to do things like:  take necessary medicines/supplements for their conditions, work out, or seek a professional therapist for past issues.  They believe that their next victim won't notice things like: a moody temperament, a terrible odor that comes and goes, impotence, tiredness, and strange behaviors.  Other mature men will buy gadgets and go places they think will impress their love interests.  While some will simply do nothing but run their mouths in the hopes that they can get a quickie from someone who might be having a similar hormonal high.

A man who really wants love in his life must come to terms with the truth about himself.  Dressing one's self in the latest fashions may draw some honeybees, but how long they stay is up in the air.  If you are experiencing some free time after breaking up with someone, consider looking at yourself in the mirror, sniff around, observe your environment, and pay close attention to what those closest to you have warned, a body that is crying out for love and peace needs more than just another item to cover it or keep it entertained.

Nicholl McGuire, creator of this blog.  Thank you for visiting!

Keep Up With Me

Found someone who can keep up with me
now that one is all I can see.

Have been through the fight to keep love in sight.
After years of pain, now I see the light!

Have told others, there is more to do besides sharing covers.
Tried to speak wisdom to the lost and confused kind of brothers.

I really wasn't prepared for a love like this,
but things changed when we shared a kiss.

Older, younger
stronger, wise.
Broke past ties,
kept away from lies.

Times were somewhat good back then,
even when my spirit didn't override my skin.

These days I am focused on what really matters,
true love has made a pumping heart grow fatter.

Feel satisfied with my new life,
less boring, and not as much strife.

Know what I want and why I am here,
happiness moves me to shed a tear.

I do not fear what people might say
I take the time out to pray each day.

Have a lot to share with the one who has blessed me,
healed my wandering, blind eyes, so that I may see,
I now appreciate the one who stands before me!


Nicholl McGuire

Friday

Tricks are for Kids: Silly, Smart Women

Watch enough reality shows, celebrity award programs, movies, and other so-called award-winning productions and you will find many, many silly women and men.  But for purposes of this blog entry, I will be focusing on silly, smart women that draw our attention.

Whether she is a celebrity or someone you know from work, these silly, smart women are the ones who do and say things that are selfish, but guise their deeds up with "helping, encouraging...loving Jesus..." and more.  They dress younger than their age.  Talk in ways that make you think you are speaking with a child, rather than an adult.  Shop for things in stores that would typically excite children, not women.  Many have been abused as a child and many more know how to change from one personality to the next especially when feeling threatened or controlled in a relationship. 

You may have heard of a celebrity or two acting silly.  Some purposely act silly; however, there is absolutely nothing juvenile about them, but in order to make a living, there are those women who act immature.  Sometimes a parent/relative/manager/lover encouraged them to act in stupid ways and rewarded them for it.  Meanwhile, you may have said to yourself, "What is with this woman?  What exactly do you call helping others when she is dancing around half dressed looking like a Barbie, acting like a fool in movies, and supporting all things immoral, childish and downright stupid?"  But silly, smart women know how to draw you in.  You may have thought wisely for a moment, yet if that beautiful or not-so attractive woman with a great body is in your presence, you would most likely look for something about her you admire and forget about her immaturity or silly act.  Before long, you would be opening your wallet or your arms up to her.

Silly, smart women know how to draw, not only men to them, but women too.  They need to establish trust with everyone they encounter.  They desire friends in order to accomplish their goals.  For some silly, smart women they talk childish, act silly for a time while waiting for the opportunity to get their needs met--whatever that might be.

Being a stingy, grumpy, evil S.O.B. who thinks he knows it all is not going to help most older men who think they can outsmart silly, attractive women.  Some men are simply suckers for charm, beauty and immaturity.  The best thing a mature man can do to protect himself from the silly actress or childish younger woman is to not entertain her--ignore her.  She can be as smart as a Bill Gates, but with silly attached to her list of attributes isn't a good thing, no matter how much you reason it's okay--maybe for the younger silly man, but not for someone who is supposed to be wise and mature.
We all know when someone calls us, "silly" for doing something, that isn't a compliment.  Silly people, things and places mean childish, boy and girl behaviors not grown men and women.   If you are a Bible reader you know that your Creator wants you to put off childish ways.  Men are called to grow up!  But it's hard to see that when you see far too much media celebrating silly behavior both on and offline.   Unless you are just as silly as an immature woman, if not worse, your relationship just might have it's share of challenges.  Sooner or later you will be calling her a name or two for her child-like behaviors.

Men who are accused of being too serious, dull, boring and even mean-spirited because they don't know how to "lighten up" and take one day at a time (with a smile on their faces) will find it difficult dating most younger women who are in their early 20s attending college or working with children.

Immature men, silly ones, are not going to be a good match for a younger woman who is often serious and finds laughing difficult, but tend to get along well with immature women for a time.  But two silly adults can drive one another crazy especially when one is ready to act more adult while the other doesn't want to grow up.

But silly, smart women and men both have a common plan and that is to use their immaturity to get what they want, when they want it.  Many aren't interested in anything long term.  Most are more concerned about how dating one who is older is going to make them look.  If he is rich, he is a catch.  A poor older man is no better than a young, poor man.  Knowing these things, be cautious of that one who you are quick to label silly, keep in mind, she just might be smart too.  Unfortunately,  many men will be hurt because they didn't see through the act.

Nicholl McGuire

Thursday

Ashamed to Date Older Men, Younger Women

It started off as a good idea, there was one, then two, maybe three older dates or younger ones in the past.  But then, the feelings of shame, regret and other emotions started to grow and they wouldn't leave while some dated those half their age or older/younger.  So he stopped dating youthful women and she stopped dating older.

Some of you reading this, may have had similar experiences dating older or younger and you have your share of regrets.  But lately, you may have thought about doing it again.  Be sure, be really sure this time!  Hearts get broken so easily, time and money get wasted and in the end you find yourself back at square one (sigh).  Like an interracial, same sex, mixed religious or political party relationship, the challenges will be there, yet love must conquer all!

There is a certain degree of shame that one might experience being with someone older or younger especially when appearances are a dead give away.  Passerbyers will let their thoughts show up on faces that are not in agreement.  Uncomfortable feelings will surface as you look at that younger or older partner standing, sitting or walking next to you.  But one must fight those emotions if he or she wants to remain in a relationship. 

The mature man isn't going to be as attractive as the younger men a woman might have dated the older he gets. And she isn't going to stay young and vibrant forever.  Whatever the issue, just know that your date is a human being with feelings that grow like flowers--not a mindless sexy character on the Internet or in a video game. 

If you are sincerely ready to date younger or older again, then know what is ahead and how you will respond to those trials, but tell yourself, "Running is not an option unless we simply have nothing in common."  Otherwise, enjoy your new friend no matter the age and be open to love and change!

Nicholl McGuire author Laboring to Love Myself.

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