Thoughts on Leaving Older Partner to Date Younger

He made a decision to leave his older partner, because he no longer found the relationship interesting anymore.  She chose to leave her older mate, due to the age gap that started to affect things like: romance, conversation, and the way she saw herself.  Both left older to date younger in the hope to find someone more compatible, more affection, energetic, and more.  Of course, there are pros and cons to doing this, lets review some of them.

Dull Romances

We can't avoid those periods in our relationships where everything starts to become a bit mundane and routine.  Unless one is working an interesting job, have a great network of people that keep him or her excited, and money to spend to visit fun places at will (along with the desire to do it), the person seeking to leave his or her older partner just might be as boring as them, but just doesn't realize it yet.  Running into the arms of someone more interesting is just a temporary pick-me-up, but sooner or later you will begin to notice that the same things you didn't want in the last relationship are going to start to show up in the new one.

Health Concerns

Unfortunately, some couples just can't make it, because one or both can't handle health issues.  From andropause to menopause woes, if a lover didn't have the patience to contend with those health challenges with his or her last partner, what makes this person think that everything will be just fine with someone younger?  Most young women can still bear children which will affect the body in time especially when she starts having that need to want to become pregnant.  Many take birth control which has been known to fluctuate mood, weight, and more.  So for the older man who thinks he can do better by getting someone younger while leaving an older partner and possibly children behind, he just might inherit a few new problems that he might not be ready for like a future offspring affecting his mood and weight.  Also, take into consideration the many people who are walking this earth with an incurable sexual disease, mental disorders, criminal records and other issues brought on by wreckless behaviors, bad parenting, peer influences, etc.  Know what you are getting into beyond the nice smile, sexy body and whatever else you are looking for.

Relatives and Friends

No matter who one dates, there will always be certain relatives and friends that may be very important in his or her life that the one dating younger won't necessarily like or agree with.  Criticism comes and goes from loved ones when starting any new relationship.  But if this is one reason why you just can't stand being with your older ex, it's not a very good one especially if you still have to deal with a few relatives because of children.  Besides, you just might find that your younger mate's relatives and friends won't be any easier on you particularly if there is a significant age difference between you and younger mate.

Money

A young woman who leaves a relatively stable relationship just because she feels like her older man just isn't doing it for her, might regret her decision later.  If age is the only factor that bothers her, nowadays there are plenty of things men can take and do to better their lifestyles.  But leaving an older man solely for the beauty of a younger man is foolish and unwise.  Money may not be a factor in the relationship, but then it might be.  Some younger women stay because of money while others leave because there is no assistance for what they have to put up with concerning an older man (ie. aging process, children with an ex, long work hours, etc.) so they go back to dating younger.  However, young men, who aren't necessarily ready for a committed relationship, but think they are, have been known to be unfaithful, immature, and unreliable in serious relationships.  Also, consider many who are irresponsible with their finances and selfish.  But for those young men who aren't, the young woman just might find a treasure in more ways than one.  For older men, who believe that a younger woman can complete him, know that most young women aren't established and don't have the wealth that he who has had decades to build.  An older mate will find that at some point in the relationship his younger partner will need his financial assistance, so if he isn't the generous type, there will be issues.

These are just some of the many things one who is interested in leaving an older partner for a younger mate might run into.  For some readers, this piece might have discouraged and if so, most likely you still love and respect your older mate.  But for others, you may still want to leave your mate for any and all reasons, just keep in mind that those "in love" feelings with a new someone are temporary and they are not what builds a healthy long-lasting relationship, but you know that already.  To your success!

Nicholl McGuire is the blogger for this blog.  Check out others: Things to Do Bored and Parents, Babies, Children

Their Not My Grandchildren...

It happens, mature fathers being mistaken for grandparents of young babies and children.  "Your grandchildren are so cute and well-behaved..." the passer-byer says.  "Not my grandchildren, their mine..."  says the mature dad.

Have you been guilty of falsely assuming that someone older was a grandparent instead of a parent?  Maybe this has happened to you or your mate.  You may have experienced negative emotions as a result.  For some men, it makes them feel old, but for others they just might need a humble moment such as this if they have been guilty of deceiving themselves into thinking they are young. Meanwhile, other men couldn't care less what someone says, and will write their comments off along with everything else, "It happens, so what."

Yet the grandchildren comment is one of those incidents in life that one might want to use to motivate himself to be the best dad he can possibly be during his remaining years.  Why waste valuable moments of fatherhood chasing after selfish interests like many young dads?  Someone or a group of individuals reminded you through their comments, "You are a father" irregardless.  But some men, don't adjust well to their roles while others don't act like it.  These older fathers refuse to embrace the fact that they aren't 20 or 30 plus anymore. 

Being with a younger woman doesn't make an insecure older man look or feel any younger as he gets older, if anything, it just might remind him of how he should have, could have done some things differently in the past.  However, children are here now, so one might as well plan a quality, pro-active life with everyone even if he isn't as youthful as he once was--no excuses.  The man will have to eat properly, exercise, take supplements, and keep up--in more ways than one!  The realization that his family is younger and he is older is a reality check that can help him progress or regress depending on how much he can look outside of himself.  Having a young family and caring for them, is an unselfish act which many working mature men or retirees don't always accept or appreciate.  They see bills, more than thrills and the idea of commitment gives them the chills--lol!  For some, they rather act as if the young woman and children don't exist, a mistake that they wish they could erase. 

A mature father that is secretly unhappy with his life choices might want to consider start living life in such a way his children won't grow up one day carrying feelings of resentment.  "Dad really wasn't into us...dad loved his work more than us...I wish we had a younger dad at least he would play with us..."  You may have thought such things about your own father.

If you do live to see your grandchildren, what stories might you tell about your sons and daughters?  What have you learned so far about life?  How might you do things better moving forward? 

No matter how many people mistake you for being a grand-dad, know that what really matters is how much you love and care for your children--putting all titles aside.

Nicholl McGuire

67-Year-Old Actor Steve Martin Welcomes His First Baby

If you thought you were too old to be a dad, think again.  FYI Steve's wife is 41.  Read article here.

Video Provides Tips to Young Women about Whether They Should Date Older Men

They Will Call You Ugly, Old and What Do You Want with My Daughter

Be prepared for the backlash, mature gentleman, if you want to date younger!  There are some angry moms and dads who don't want their daughters dating in their words, "an old, ugly no-good man..." and whatever else they choose to call you either behind your back or to your face.

So what's with all the anger? You might think, as they look at you like one who has committed a crime.  "She is old enough for me to date," you think. 

Most likely, their beloved daughter has shared something about you that made them label you as "One to Watch."  Your type may have been seen before or maybe they know how their daughter can be--whatever that means to them, so they don't really agree with you being in her life.

If you don't want a negative report getting back to your mate's friends or folks, then don't do anything that will make them want to call the police, show up on your doorstep, or forbid their daughter to never set eyes on you again.  Shall we go down the list of things not to do?

1. Physically fight her.

2. Try to keep her in a room against her will.

3.  Lie about a wife, a job, your past, etc.

4.  Deny that you know someone in her family.

5.  Act as if you are better than members of her family (even if it is true), don't act arrogant and then tell her about what you are thinking.

6.  Play head games with her in an attempt to make her be what you want her to be.  The family will be watching to see if she changes the way she looks for you, drops out of school, stops being around them, has no life of her own, etc.

Older men who find themselves in hot water with the family are those who think that they have a toy to play with, rather than a fellow human being who wants to be loved and treated with some respect.  A controlling man, who likes to play mind games, will stop at nothing to get a young woman to fall in love with him.  This is so that she will be loyal and take whatever he is dishing out.  If he has a fetish, she will fulfill it.  If he wants her to do some things that he could never get his wife to do, she will do it.  If he desires a trophy and nothing more, then she will be it.  Of course, none of which she does for him comes without a requested token or reward.  You know, "I like those shoes, could you get them...? Do you think you can help me pay my student loan bill...?"

Why bother to seek out any woman, young or old, rich or poor, smart or dumb, to be nothing more than an object to meet one's selfish needs?  A wise man who desires love is going to build a foundation and a reputation that says, "I am not an old fool.  I seek a committed relationship.  I want what is best for your daughter.  I intend to respect her and I want her to do the same."

Now that, my friend, is a real man!

Nicholl McGuire maintains this blog and others including Things to Do When Bored and Work Place Problems

His Family, Her Family Not Your Friends

Family is just that family.  They may act like friends at times, but those who have been there for you through it all are meant to protect you, advise you, love you, and do whatever else for you, but don't expect the same from your dating partner's family.

So many girlfriends and boyfriends enter into families expecting to receive the same, if not better, treatment from their partner's family.  They falsely assume that because they haven't been in any family wars with the in-laws that they will be treated like "one of the family."  This phrase sounds nice in movies, but the reality is that maybe one or two of your mate's relatives might be open to embracing you like calling or visiting the two of you and really taking interest in who you are (and not necessarily what you have), but not most of your future inlaws.  Therefore, they can't be trusted with private information about you or the status of your relationship with their loved one, so don't bother sharing deep feelings, whether written or verbal, because what you say might come back to haunt you one day.  For instance, don't say something like, "I love her with all my heart and I will do almost anything to make sure she stays happy with me."  Family won't forget.

When we feel comfortable around those "nice, polite," and "sweetheart" types of people, who don't appear like they could hurt a fly, we tend to talk too much.  Grandma may act kind and Grandpa might be cordial too, but they just might have a dark side.  Parents aren't always "cool" or "great to be around" so don't take the flattering statements too seriously.  Chances are there are some things that your mate really doesn't want his or her family to know about your relationship, faith, upbringing, job, and more.  It can be challenging to know what to say or what not to say when you don't talk to your mate about topics in advance.  You wouldn't want to go to your girlfriend's or boyfriend's parents' home joining in on a conversation about how your mate can't cook, doesn't like to clean, and was good for nothing as a child.  Imagine what the ride home will be like with your partner.  If your relatives are mean-spirited, angry, bitter or have some sort of mental condition, don't hide these things say so.  If your partner may not mesh very well with certain relatives then why bother bringing her or him to their setting?  If you know you don't like your family for one reason or another, then deal with those issues without bringing someone you love into your mess.  Warn him or her of those challenges you have with certain family members.

There are relatives who don't mind telling everyone all about you both good and bad.  You may not be ready to tell your mate everything about you, so it would make sense not to bring her or him around big mouth relatives until you are comfortable about discussing how you feel about things.  If you choose to procrastinate on certain issues, know that the big mouth relative will not hesitate to share information about your past, present and future the moment he or she is left alone with your mate.

Some couples will argue or defend favorite relatives by saying things like, "Well, that's not what she meant...I don't know why she said that, but she is really a great person...He isn't so bad."  But the truth is, most relatives and friends mean what they say, they don't need a public relations campaign for or against them.  They are not interested in making friends with your lover or many lovers, they are more concerned about getting to know who these people are who you claim you care about and whether or not one of them is a keeper or all are losers. 

One of the biggest mistakes you can make early on in your intimate relationship is to argue with your special someone about what a family member's feelings are concerning him or her.  People usually can detect whether feelings behind one's smile are genuine or fake, so when a mate communicates, "I don't believe your mom really likes me..." after several times of being around her, most likely she doesn't.

Naive, gullible people who are more concerned about impressing people, rather than studying them, will assume that everyone likes them and wants to be their friend, but let us be reminded that family are just family.  They are more concerned about a loved one's happiness then being best buddies, so be mindful of what you say to them.

Nicholl McGuire

When the Truth Hurts: How Long Do You Think Your Mate Will Keep Your Interest?

So the reality hits the older man like a ton of bricks being with the younger woman has been one of the many things he has done during his mid-life crisis that at times he regrets.  Meanwhile, the younger woman has come to the realization that family and friends were right, she sincerely wanted a father figure in her life.  So now that their harsh truths are staring them both in the face, now what?  End the relationship?  Not so fast.  There are some feelings and possibly a child or two as a result of them being together.  One can focus on the truth and plan an escape or learn from it while using it to build a better relationship with a stronger foundation. 

Just how long a relationship will last between an enlightened mature man and a younger woman really can't be determined.  It all depends on what they truly want from one another.  Is longevity a possibility?  Well if both look at the relationship as something that is very necessary to help them emotionally, physically and possibly spiritually so be it.  But if one is carrying on with his or her partner, with frequent thoughts of break up, then it won't be long before those thoughts will manifest out of one's mouth.

Like a job, relationships must have dedicated parties who have a single objective that both can agree upon, the couple might desire to stay together by saying something like, "I seek a position in your life with the intentions on staying with you no matter what."  Without a strong decree that both can live by and return to when trials come up, the relationship is on shaky ground.  Both parties have to be willing to stay committed.  If one notices that the other is not on board and is attempting to push him or her out of his or her life prematurely, one is starting a war that he or she may not be prepared to battle especially if this person still loves his or her partner.  The individual who no longer believes in the relationship has to go through a break up process.  It took some time to start a relationship and it will take some time to end it.  Of course, disputes, name-calling and disrespect will cause individuals to act more quickly, but much damage may result particularly when children, material wealth and other things are involved.

You can find ways to stay interested in your younger or older partner if you both want to still remain together.  But if one does and the other doesn't, don't waste your time, begin your process toward freedom, seeking needed time for self while creating a future that welcomes someone in your life that does want to be with you.  The following are ways to keep love alive for those who have looked beyond the early reasons as to why they got together, and are now seeking some new reasons as to why they should stay together.  They include:

1.  Planning outings together and apart.  Consider taking some time together and away from one another to think about what this person means to you and what you can do to better your relationship.
2.  Watching romantic movies and listening to loving music together can also rekindle romance.
3.  Church attendance, praying together and participating in bible studies or other positive group settings  will bring you closer to your Creator which will ultimately help you make wise decisions.
4.  Traveling to new places locally and elsewhere.  You never know what new things you will discover about your mate if you are getting out and about.
5.  Relocating.  Sometimes environments can cause unnecessary stress on the relationship like living in cramped spaces or a chaotic neighborhood.
6.  Counseling.  Whether relationship, individual or spiritual, it helps to free yourself from past emotional ties, generational curses, etc. that keep you from going in a positive direction both personally and professionally.
7.  Socializing with family and friends.  Creating events that include positive family and friends who are in support of the two of you being together or visiting good role models who have quality relationships.
8.  Tackling a "To Do" List.  Sometimes the stress we experience in a relationship has nothing to do with the person, but everything to do with things we are not doing but we promised ourselves we would do.  Putting off health appointments, not exercising or eating healthy, avoiding necessary paperwork regarding business issues, not cleaning or organizing one's home, and procrastinating on other issues will not make you the best person to be around.  When a problem keeps coming up in your mind, body, spirit, or environment, you deal with it, don't look at your partner!

Nicholl McGuire

Think of some other things you could do to keep love alive, stress down, and overall live a little while longer!

A Desire to Meet the Needs of the Little Girl/ Little Boy Within

Some mature older men don’t know what they are getting themselves into when choosing to date someone 10 plus years younger. He doesn’t realize that there are many young women in this world with little girls inside of them that need their father’s attention. No matter what he does, the mature, older man cannot fill the void. The little girl within desires a father figure, someone who can tend to her needs, but her father failed her during childhood when he gave her no attention, affection or communication. Dad left his little girl out in the cold with a desire to be loved and deemed worthy in someone's eyes.

An often busy father, who is emotionally unavailable and who doesn’t bother to figure out his own issues in life, recreates another unhappy mini-me. Most likely, his own father wasn’t there for him, so somehow in his mind he reasons, “It’s okay;” therefore, he repeats the cycle. No communication plus no affection equals no relationship--it’s just that simple! Children need the attention and affection of both parents. Otherwise, they go through life seeking fulfillment in things like: sex, a baby, a partner, religion or something else. A child turned adult who still desires a relationship with a certain parent tends to make unwise decisions centered on those unfulfilled needs. In time,  he or she is abusing substances to fill the void while having many regrets.

An older man dating a younger woman is not expected to be everything to a younger woman and shouldn’t put himself in that position either. Some older men falsely assume that if they give their younger partners everything they want that the relationship will be okay. Unfortunately, things without human affection and communication do nothing more than impede progress. Rather than focusing on two human beings building a relationship together, the couple are talking or arguing about selfish needs and wants, “I need for you to be...I want you to do...Why can't I get you to see...?”

An older man must recognize the needs of a younger woman, but at the same time refrain from being a father figure to her. Even if she says, “You act like my dad…” be sure that you are not purposely performing like her dad, because you might believe you are helping out the little girl within. The little girl remains inside the younger woman as long as she continues to nurture her and give her everything that she never had; however, that little girl can also turn into a spoiled girl who lacks self-control, discipline, and just might cause a firestorm of problems in the relationship if left un-checked.

The younger woman has to come to a point in her life to let the little girl go. She will be much happier if she doesn’t keep reliving the past through people, places and things. She may even have to go so far as to make peace with the fact that her father is not ever going to look at the mistakes he has made over the years, make peace with her, and do what’s right for the remaining part of his life. It’s unfortunate, but some men will never change no matter how much you do or not do for them.

An older man must be wise when relating to the fatherless younger woman and not only listen, but address his younger partner’s concerns while reminding her, “I’m not your dad. I love you and will do the best I can to help you, but remember I am not your dad.”

There are some older men that have many issues that they are grappling with because they too have a little person within who desires a mother or father’s attention. Some mature men have a history of dating older women because they wanted a mother figure, because they lacked a relationship with their own mothers. Some date younger because they want to do all the things they didn’t get to do when they were in their youth. These men falsely assume that tapping into the fountain of youth, so to speak, will make them feel good about living. They learn quickly that no matter who they date, young or old, rich or poor, no one can give the little boy within them peace. They too must learn to let go of their boyish desires and focus on being the man that they were destined to be.

Letting go of the little girl or little boy within us is something that most people who become adults don’t realize they are feeding until they go through a series of relationship trials. Eventually those, who have learned the hard way, reach a conclusion that something within them is very much wrong. The little person inside could be any of the following: often dissatisfied in personal and professional relationships, emotionally detached, angry, bitter, jealous, or having some other emotional issue. If anyone of these issues describe you, you might want to start a process of cleansing one’s closet of emotions beginning with taking down all those childhood things that you might have displayed around your room, office and elsewhere. Reminding yourself daily about your childhood will not help you grow; rather, you will find that you are not permitting yourself to mature because you fear you might lose something if you should let go of your little person within. There is no guarantee that you will start to feel okay as you embark on this journey to free yourself childhood woes, but it is a start.

You and that one you are with will also have to stop looking back. For example, your young partner might think that going back home to mom and dad will bring peace when times are rough, but most often it doesn’t; rather the young woman only feeds the little girl she is supposed to be ridding herself of. It is rare that people change. Rather than experiencing true freedom, the young woman finds herself opening up old wounds the longer she stays with parents. If you no longer have your parents, but inherited a host of emotional issues, you might consider letting go of relics, keepsakes and other mementos that are not aiding you emotionally or physically. Sometimes things we hold on to of others only set us back. Somehow we feel like we must take responsibility for all that comes with those things.

If you have a faith, you know you are called to be free not to be burdened by others’ issues. So if a person, place or thing doesn’t help you, say goodbye. Another thing you or your loved one might want to consider is limiting phone calls when it comes to connecting with those who have hurt you in the past and have no interest in changing either ie.) parents, relatives and childhood friends. Those who are closest to you can hinder you emotionally, spiritually etc. and eventually impact your relationship negatively. It is very hard to let go of that little person within if you keep permitting her or him to call a critical relative or friend every time an issue comes up in your relationship, at work, church, or elsewhere. Is it really necessary to get parents involved? Does your sibling really care about who you are with and whether you two make it?

Finally, think about all those things that you wear, say, and do that have a direct connection to childhood. From gaming devices to dolls, the more you collect, whether for yourself or through a child, the more you keep the little girl and boy within alive. When childhood desires affect your well-being, your personal relationships, and other important areas of your life, you have to say, “I love you little girl/boy inside of me, but it is time for us to part our ways. I give you to the Almighty Creator and in his arms you will be safe.” Visualize a picture of yourself from childhood being placed in the arms of your creator and he/she ascending to heaven. At first, your little person within will be happy to be free from miserable you, but he/she might find a way to come back if you continue to do the things that keep him/her close to you.

To some, you might find the little girl or little boy concept a bit strange, but I can assure you that it is what affects many relationships and prevents them from growing. Who wants to be with a grown man who has boyish issues or who wants to be with a grown woman who still has little girl daddy woes? Start the journey and let the little people within go so that you can have a healthy, functional relationship!

Nicholl McGuire recorded her thoughts on the Sugar Baby, Sugar Daddy relationship and shares insight here.

The Irritable Male Syndrome, Why Midlife Men Turn Mean

I couldn't help but share the following links, because in my experience being around older men, I have found that at a certain point in their lives usually 40 plus, many become easily irritated and downright mean.  Some simply can't help themselves, while others know how they are behaving, but  don't care or quickly find excuses for their short responses and anger outbursts.

There is nothing nice or sweet about a middle-aged man who is often mean-spirited at home, but totally different at his workplace.  However, in time, the two worlds will collide and unfortunately there will be no winners in the end.  The tempermental often forgetful man may lose his job, family, friends, and more as a result of his fluctuating hormones due to things like:  a lack of exercise, poor eating habits, and an avoidance of vitamins, herbal remedies, or prescription medicines for his conditions. 

If you are an older man who is suffering with forgetfulness, moodiness, erectile dysfunction, hot flashes, and more, get some help.  If you are with someone like this, make up in your mind whether you are going to direct him to some assistance and support him through these challenging times or leave.  But whatever you do, don't Labor to Love an Abusive Mate!  Click on the links.

The Irritable Male Syndrome, Why Midlife Men Turn Mean

BBC - Newsbeat - Health - Age gap relationships: Good or bad?

It all depends on who you ask.  Read more:

BBC - Newsbeat - Health - Age gap relationships: Good or bad?