Tuesday

Younger Guy Wanted to Know, Why You Dating Old Men?

If you are a younger woman, you may have been asked, "Why do you like dating older men?"  by guys or gals about your age and younger.  How do you answer such a question or do you even bother?  Whether it is your personal preference, that's all you seem to attract, or simply maturity, your choice not theirs.  I came across one website that attempts to answer this question. Read here.

Monday

What Some People Say About Men with Younger Women


You don’t mean to stare at the unusual pair walking by, but you do.  Yet, when you are the one in a peculiar relationship, you are wondering, “Why does it seem like everyone is looking at my date and I?”  Then you think, “What could they be thinking?”  Sometimes people aren’t really concerned about what others are doing.  But there are those, who love to people watch and they are thinking the ever-popular question, “What is she doing with him?” among other things.

“She is only with him for the money.”

You knew this statement was coming and if you are the one with the money you might be thinking, “Well is she?”  Discuss the issue amongst yourselves, but definitely don’t allow others to talk about it with you.  Most often people who are already receiving money from the mature partner will raise the red flag on the relationship, because they fear that they will no longer receive any money now that the mature partner is seeing this younger woman.

“He is too old to be dating someone her age – he’s robbing the cradle.”

Is he really too old or is she too young?  Well to some people maybe this comment is cause for concern, especially if someone skipped out on their marriage, dating a child etc. but if none of which applies to your relationship, why bother responding?

“What do her parents think about her dating someone much older?”

This may be a concern for a few due to personal reasons or because they are concerned the younger partner might not be legal age.  But does it really matter?

“I wouldn’t date someone my son or daughter’s age and definitely not my dad’s.”

As we all know who we choose to date is our personal business.  However, some critics can’t help but comment because they know they don’t have the courage or interest in dating someone younger or older.  Responding to a comment like this is a waste of time.  If you do, you will look immature and the naysayer just might feel good watching you react negatively.  Just ignore this person or better yet get it understood early on, especially if this person is a relative, to exercise a little self-control over their tongue if he or she wants to keep you in his or her life.  

“She must not have a close relationship with her father.”

Some people assume the worse, because they have heard of stories where young women have specifically dated older men because their own fathers didn’t meet their needs.  Maybe this happens for many younger women dating older men, but not all.  If you are a younger woman who doesn’t have a close relationship with your dad and you feel that it is affecting your relationship with your partner, maybe you might want to consider independent counseling, reconnecting with your father if you can, or sitting down with someone who knows him well to get answers to unresolved issues.  If you are the mature partner, you may want to watch for signs that she is in fact using you to fill a role in her life that wasn’t met by her dad.  If so, then you may want to discuss your concerns.

“He is going through a mid-life crisis (andropause) that’s why he is with her.”

Dating younger women is something that many men who have severe symptoms of andropause do, but once again there are exceptions to the rule.  A younger woman will want to observe her mate and watch for signs if she suspects that possibly she is one of many of her older partner’s andropause symptoms. 

“Why do older men always go after younger women?”

This statement is usually said by women who feel insecure, jealous and angered about past issues.  Others are simply curious.  When some younger women hear a comment like this, it might work for or against her self-esteem depending on how committed she is to the relationship.  She may ask the same thing of the older man or wonder what he sees in her.  Her partner will have to say the kind of things to keep her interested and secure in the relationship. 

“I was never interested in dating men my dad’s age or older, that’s crazy!”

Younger people can sometimes be the harshest critics of a relationship between a younger woman and an older man.  Oftentimes those who say this are still very immature, so they couldn’t fathom the thought.  If this comment is stated enough by friends, it might cause a younger woman, who isn’t so sure about dating an older man, to want to break up.

“He probably left his wife and children to be with her.  He will probably go back to the wife once he gets tired of her.”

This comment can really hurt a younger woman’s feelings particularly if she is head over heels in love with her mature mate.  So when she hears this, she might start to wonder if in fact he would get back with an ex.  Hopefully, the man isn’t married, but if he is, you might want to cut your losses early.



Thursday

Special Online Dating Website for Young Women & Mature Men - Girlsandgentlemen.co.uk.

Are you over 40 seeking a woman to date that is less than 30?  If so, then you might be interested in visiting Girlsandgentlemen.co.uk.  This site will match up couples who enjoy dating singles who are either younger or older than they.

Participants can choose from singles from all over the world simply by registering.  Membership is free.  Whether you are interested in a rich man or a beautiful woman, this site connects those who can be honest about what they seek in a dating relationship.

No longer do you need to date people your own age while wishing to be with someone much younger or older.  Too often singles settle for dating people they are less than interested in simply because the people they meet live nearby or happen to show more interest in them than others recently.  Seek someone online that will compliment you.

It isn't often that this site refers readers to dating sites, but this one is definitely one that you, who are interested in dating older or younger, will appreciate.  Click here.


Wednesday

When You Date Old School, Expect Old School Treatment

When you date older expect your date to have what you might consider some out-dated principles.  There are still some men in this world who believe that a woman's place is at home with children while the man works.  Men who have a faith in God may expect no sex until marriage.  You will find that some older men do have a way of doing things that isn't modern, youthful or even comprehensible to one who is still learning and growing.

Certain family members won't accept you.

As much as we all would like to be accepted by our partner's relatives, it just won't happen.  There will be those in his family that will not go along just to get along especially if they are Christian or have some other belief system.  Your partner may not see anything wrong with cohabitation, but his mother, sister, brother or someone else will.  He may find that having a child out of wedlock isn't a big deal like it once was, but his family or maybe even yours are giving you a firestorm of criticism.  Sometimes it is your special someone who is the one who is against all things deemed immoral while you are more laid back.  Whatever the issue, you will have to respect his faith, uphold your personal views, as well as consider the opinions of those around you.  It also doesn't hurt to consider what people are saying and why they may be reacting negatively about you and your companion being together.  Sometimes relatives simply don't care what you do, but if you have a faith, ask yourself, "What does my Creator think?"

Friends won't find you have much in common with them.

When there is a significant age difference, you will find it challenging to make friends with his friends.  Some women disdain younger women being with older men, because unfortunately they have had their share of cheating partners and disrespectful young women in their presence.  As much as you would like for friends to accept you and act interested in what you have to say, think about this, "Would you really be interested in associating with people 15 or 20 years younger than you?"


Your mature partner may treat you differently than younger dates.

A relationship that may have started off good, may end up being a terrible choice, because you or your mature lover may have allowed far too many voices to influence the way you see one another.  He may start acting distant as if trying to erase his mistake with picking you.  On the other hand, you may stop calling or coming around him, because you know that he too was a bad choice.  When a couple comes to the realization that they may have bit off more than they can chew (when it comes to building a relationship that lasts,) it is best to get out as soon as you can or seriously consider making changes in the relationship that will help it evolve into a marital commitment.  Otherwise, you wait too long and you will find yourself making more and more mistakes that will be harder and harder to fix.  Even worse, some things we do to others, can never be undone and unfortunately we reap the consequences later despite having prayed about them and sought wise counsel.

Be certain that when you date old school, you know the rules of the old school.

Nicholl McGuire

Tuesday

Faith & Relationship: Does it Really Matter?

Anyone who has ever been introduced to the God of the Holy Bible or some other faith knows that you have made a life decision to walk a spiritual path.  There is no way that you can date someone, grow closer then think that your faith will have zero impact on your relationship.

If you are one who is still married, but separated, you know that dating someone whether younger, older or in between wouldn't be wise.  At some point in the relationship, your mate is going to want something long lasting with you.  What are you going to tell this person?  "Sure, I want that too, but I'm still married..."  That response will set your intimate relationship so far back that it might not even work out.  What bible-believing young woman or older man is going to stay in love with a person who is still trying to sort out whether or not he or she wants to let go of his or her past, much less want to be married in the future?

It also isn't wise to date any one just because you are lonely.  Spiritual believers who seek relationships are looking for more than just companionship.  Eventually, someone who is really interested in a commitment is going to want to merge names, households, and bodies together in the name of whatever God or gods he or she believes in.

When one is interested in dating one or many people, he or she must realize that someone out there is going to take his or her faith seriously and this person will expect you to live up to your beliefs.  In other words, if you claim to be a believer, you will walk the walk.

Of course, there are those daters who are adulterers, fornicators, backsliders and more who claim they, "Love the Lord...attend church, pray, fast, and read the Bible" but the truth is that God is so removed from their lives because they are living in sin.  These people have double-minds, unstable and desire to appease their flesh, more than their spirits.  Their faith just isn't as important as one might think.  In time, truth is revealed and that young woman or older man who had once been hoodwinked will slowly or rapidly realize that this person is no fit in his or her life.  In a situation like this, age has nothing to do with it, but deceit, backward talk regarding one's faith, and other spiritual revelation has separated the couple.

When a man has reached maturity, he will not pretend to be something he is not.  If he isn't walking with Jesus or some other spiritual being, he will just speak truth.  When a mature, young woman is not interested in a faith, she will just say so.  But immature, immoral and ignorant people will play mind games.  They will act in ways that will tell an observer, "Now this one is nothing more than a hypocrite!"  If the person dating the backslider or unbeliever doesn't see it, the person's family will see the deceitful person a mile away and warn their beloved relative to "leave him alone...he is not right for you...she is an immoral woman...she is immature, silly."

Sometimes it is best just to listen to those people who are dedicated to their faith and wise.  They can help you weed out the good from the bad during your dating phase.  Hopefully, in time, you will meet someone who shares the same faith as you do!  It is a beautiful thing to be with someone who loves your God like you do!

Nicholl McGuire
More inspirational writings at:  http://spiritualpoemsbynicholl.blogspot.com

Thursday

Teacher Leaves Wife, Kids for High School Student | Parenting - Yahoo! Shine

If you ever needed an example of what mid-life looks like when someone isn't taking his vitamin supplements, herbal remedies, and a prescription med for his hormones, look no further! She desperately needs a father figure and he definitely wants someone in his life to make him feel like he is 18 once again! When you read the article, you will notice how he talks about his attraction to her like it was an overnight thing that began when she turned 18--not hardly. I will be the first to support any relationship that is healthy and balanced, but this one, it stinks of hormones and dysfunction!

Teacher Leaves Wife, Kids for High School Student | Parenting - Yahoo! Shine

Monday

Your Issues, His Issues and Now Our Issues

So you thought you could be everything to him or her.  You bought this person nice things.  You made time to go with him or her here and there.  You really thought you met your match, that is until you started looking more closely at this person you slept with the other night.  "She is a bit off," you think.  "He seems to be a bit slow," she thinks.  Whatever you noticed about this person, it has put a damper on your relationship.  Now you hope that this person will do something that will make you fall back in lust (or love) with him or her-- good luck.

Once truth reveals itself in people, it becomes hard to get the fantasy back.  You want that person to be that special someone you met over and over again.  Immature people think in this way.  People desperate for someone to come rescue them from their past also think like this.  Before you know it, you got someone yelling, "Why can't I find the right someone!"  Could it be, that you want your dates to fulfill a dream rather than a reality?

You have your issues when you came into the relationship that most likely you wanted your date to overlook.  Then there was the issues.  Your date had some and you had your share.  Then there were those issues you had together.  With all of these "issues" also known as relationship challenges, it isn't any wonder that this romance started quickly and then ended just as quickly. 

If there is no room in the relationship to just grow freely of the complications of an ex, the baby, the money, the relatives, the friends, an abusive childhood, etc. then yes a beautiful fantasy dies and it may never come back.  You should never think a person is going to be your cure all!

For many people, they know, starting this year, it is time to bury the fantasy and welcome reality.  They must want to do the things that are right for self and the relationship.  But where to start?  A change of mindset, a reality check!  Look at the things in the relationship that is causing it to become unbalanced, miserable, and something you no longer want.  If you allow a relationship to grow in a setting free of outside influence, criticism and unresolved issues of the past, how beautiful it can be!  Keep in mind, it takes work, lots of it.  But if you are in love, and not in lust, it will go the distance.

Nicholl McGuire

Sunday

A Blog for Men Seeking a Nice Woman to Date - WhereToFindGirl.com

I don't often speak of other websites to visit for dating advice, but this one is a nice blog for men who are having trouble looking for that nice gal.  Written from a male perspective, the site is like this one, filled with useful advice.  Read here.

Friday

Advice for Young Mothers Interested in Dating Older Men

Some daters believe that because they are easygoing about most things, they are compatible with many different types of people no matter the age or background.  They falsely assume that because they maybe in a similar situation as their date, such as:  being a parent, divorced, or have other responsibilities, that those they connect with can relate and most likely will handle their circumstances in the same way that they do.  However, despite all the similar interests and life comparisons, people are people and they will do things that will leave others scratching their heads, such is the case when a single older man chooses to date someone half his age or younger who is a parent of small children.  Maybe he dates her because he was in a similar situation 20 years ago or he remembers the pain of a breakup and how it impacted his family, so now he wants to be helpful.  Whatever the reason that draws him to the young mother, he may be very interested in having a relationship with her.

You have to wonder though, why someone would bother taking on some, if not all, of someone else's burden despite his or her age.  Of course, there is such a thing as love, but there is also such a thing as desperation.  Some people can't stand to be lonely!  They will sacrifice their carefree lifestyle and peace just to be close to someone.  But their are others who have a more hidden reason for dating someone that may seem trivial to many.  There may be a certain interest or look they desire so much in someone else that they will tolerate just about anything to be with him or her.  This strong desire is also known as obsession. 

Maybe the younger woman has gorgeous long, blond hair that this older man absolutely loves or beautiful hazelnut eyes that seem to draw him in everytime he looks at her.  Whatever that "thing" is that she possesses, the older man doesn't mind putting up with all the baggage that comes with her just so that he can enjoy the benefit of being with his ideal mate.  Two small children, an ex, an overbearing mother, money issues, and a home filled with past memories may be a part of this young woman's world, but the desperate older man doesn't seem to care just so long as she is fulfilling some aspect of his fantasy.  "I don't care about all that other stuff!  I love her!  She has beautiful eyes, nice long hair, and coca skin!  I always wanted to be with her type!" 

Some of us have gone to great lengths over the years to date our ideal look.  We have given those exs a pass on just about anything that they did just so that we can satisfy lustful desires.  We envisioned our soul mate to look and act a certain way.  So when we got what we thought we wanted, we didn't worry over whether our exs were compatible with our core beliefs, just so long as they fulfilled our weak desires.  However, once their issues with things like:  family, money, friends, etc. started disturbing our fantasy world, then we either fell out of love or fell away from the relationship.

Let's face it, most older men who are doing well in life and have already raised their own children,  really don't want to become dads to babies all over again.  It was a stressful period in their lives.  Now they want to be free to do what they want.  Me comes first in those golden years!  It should be obvious to the young mother, that the older man and the ex didn't make it when their children were young, what's the likelihood that he will make it in a new relationship where mom is younger and her children aren't his?  What to do, what to do?

Some men may take advantage of the situation and keep the young woman around for occasional sex and a partner to go here and there with, but if the young woman is often without a babysitter, most likely she will be unable to go to many places.  Instead, most of the couple's time together will be spent at her home or his.  There must be an understanding between them early on as to what each want of the relationship.  Without this knowledge, head games may be played resulting in unnecessary relationship drama.

A man who feels like he may have to compete with the children or ex may not stick around.  He may be more apt to find a suitable partner for his needs.  Being a single parent is hard, being a young single parent is even harder!  There are still so many challenges in life that a young mother must face like learning more about herself and what she wants out of life, health changes, career changes, parenting issues, and maybe an increase desire to get married and have more children.  Some caring older men don't want to be an additional burden to someone who already has enough burdens in her young life.  Others would try to help.  But the majority of older men, would stay away.  They have been there done that and really don't want to have to do that all over again!

Every person is different; therefore there are some exceptions to the rule.  There will be those older men who will date younger women with children just to do something different or as explained earlier, there is something about her that fulfills a fantasy.  However, don't expect a long-term commitment unless the man truly desires a wife.  Unfortunately, most older men have already been married before and are not interested in doing it again especially with someone very young.

Nicholl McGuire 

Monday

Does Looks Matter? What Will Others Think About Me Dating...?

When you are attracted to someone, one of the first things you are going to pay attention to is how this person looks.  Now some optimist types would say, "That shouldn't matter, it's what is on the inside that really counts."  Well, that's all well and good, but welcome to reality older man, younger woman, looks do matter to some, but to who is the question?  Does your mate really care about you?

You may be the kind of person who doesn't care too much about looks.  You may not have a certain type that you prefer to date.  You may not be bothered about whether a woman or man is black, yellow, red or white.  But there are those that all this is important.  This is why you must be sure that who you are dating isn't faking it to make it.  Does he or she really love you inside and out or is this person just tolerating you for now?

There are some people who just know how to act very well when it comes to being into someone.  They will pretend like they enjoy their hobbies and interests when they really don't.  They will act like gray hair, wrinkles and being overweight doesn't bother them, when it really does.  Some men and women will fake being comfortable on a date with someone younger or older.  Meanwhile, he is hoping that his mother, ex-wife or sister won't happen to see him walking down the street with his younger mate or she is praying that her dad doesn't see her with this old man.

You have to be confident with who you are when dating someone older or younger.  You will get those looks.  People will make you feel uncomfortable.  I recall when a group of guys walked by me with my older mate and they were staring.  They looked at me then him and back to me again.  One commented, "Why is she with that old man?"  My stomach dropped.  I was shocked, I couldn't say anything.  To this day, I don't know if my date heard the young man.  Needless to say, the young man's words affected me for at least a day.

Be sure you are willing to stand strong in a relationship such as this especially when the naysayers start bad-mouthing your actions.  Don't be a coward or try to defend your actions.  If you are in love, then so be it.  Who cares what anyone else says?  However, be prepared for some stressful moments and try not to let other's words and reactions affect your dating relationship.

Nicholl McGuire
See more writings related to relationships here.

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