Thursday

Sexual Harassment - Men Who are Hell-Bent on Not Changing Their Ways

They are out there, men who will say whatever they want to any woman they choose.  It doesn't matter that sexual harassment claims are taking our media by storm, the old way of thinking is etched in some of these older men's minds.  Like children, some still believe pretty women are seen not heard.  The men born prior to the seventies are still among us and still sharing antiquated beliefs with open-minded children and grandchildren. 

Haughty men still insist on saying sexually inappropriate things to women, talking about sexual conquests to the same sex and others, sharing and/or giving sexually explicit material to female workers, clients, and even strangers.  They laugh off what they do and follow it up with statements like, "Well you know how we are, boys will be boys.  Can't you take a joke, why so serious?  I can't help myself, but you are gorgeous.  You are so fine, I couldn't help but touch that behind!  Look at all the women who like me, I am irresistible, I will make you love me!"  Some women will nervously chuckle until convicting thoughts and negative feelings take hold of them afterward, "What just happened?" some of these women think.  "I can't believe he said that...did that.  That's not right."

Whether a woman realizes in that moment or years later that being harassed is unacceptable, the point is, it happened.  Something occurred that just wasn't right.  A powerful man or a not-so-powerful one crossed the line.  It didn't matter that she was single, married, young or old, he had no business forcing his sexual desire/thoughts/deeds.  Would sexually inappropriate behavior be okay with him toward his daughter or granddaughter by other lust-filled men?  Would he be okay with his wife being disrespected by other men with the promise of fame, fortune and power to follow?  Most caring men would say, "No way, I would beat that man's a$$!  No one disrespects my mother, sister, daughter...no one!"  So why would they think it is okay to do it to another man's kin without consequence?  People talk about religious groups forcing their views down people's throats, well what about men and women without any moral compass forcing their ill-intentions and other things down people's throats?

I must admit I am happy but also sad at the same time about what is happening in the media.  Happy because the exposure empowers women and changes the mindset of many men who thought daddy and grandaddy's disrespect of women was acceptable.  But sad, because this does impact the way a number of men and women's relationships and friendships with one another--some for good and others for evil--it all depends upon the accuser.

Now when you look at the long list of men in the spotlight for hurting women, you can't help but see how some victims also took advantage of the benefits they received from them as well.  I guess they looked at it as getting their due payment from the pain, shame, and suffering they endured.  Do we ignore the voices of those who agreed to perform some tricks for some treats?  Were those women really harrassed or are they looking for a second or even third payout by riding on the #MeToo campaign? 

Whether victim or not, the point is men are going to have to re-evaluate their thinking concerning women and teach sons and grandsons too!  As much as lovely ladies are quite attractive to view and can be quite kind to you, doesn't mean that it gives any man or woman a license to act disrespectfully toward them.  Keep your sexual thoughts and material to yourself.  Resist the temptation to want to kiss, hold, squeeze, rape, or stare.  Most women simply will not respond in a positive way to a forceful, desperate, lonely or even crazy sort of man hell-bent on getting something for nothing or something for something.

The men, who refuse to change their view of women, and continue to act inappropriate, will sooner or later have their day in court, day in the street, or worse six feet deep.  You don't have to be a Hollywood big shot to be on a scorned woman's hit list.  She will most likely have the support and protection from the men who love and appreciate her and may God help you if she does.  In order to be a target, all you have to be is an arrogant fool with unaddressed sex issues and childhood woes who believes himself to be right even when he is wrong.  The long list of names in the media continues to grow and so too are the life lessons.  Going forward conduct yourself like gentlemen.

 Nicholl McGuire

Monday

Charm Then Grow Cold - When They Love and Leave Them

The smitten older man does what he can to draw the young lady into his arms and then when things get a bit stale, holidays show up, or requests are made to spend more time together, he grows cold toward his partner.  The young woman thinks the older man is something special until relationship challenges show up.  These people who fall out of love (lust) quickly, charm and then grow distant are difficult to be in relationships with--they will not remain committed for long.  The holidays can motivate some couples to behave this way especially if they have a long history of breaking hearts or being heartbroken.

What is it about those who love others then leave them?  Do they really want committed relationships?  Sometimes they do, but they don't want to take a look at their personal pain, heal from it, and move on to a quality relationship.  For some, they are simply too tired, lazy, self-absorbed, or emotionally wounded to bother.  They don't examine the influences around them growing up, they don't address the trauma they have gone through, and they often believe themselves to be right even when they are wrong in the way that they treat people.

Anyone who insists on reaching out to Mr. or Ms. Charmer while ignoring the truth about who they really are (liar, evil, selfish, abusive, etc.) is headed toward a long, drawn-out path of heartbreak, make up to break up games, and mind-boggling behaviors that make one go mad.  Being in a relationship with the charmer isn't like the movies, where the guy or gal finally realizes how much he or she loves and then fights to get his or her partner back.  Instead, the future is comprised of long disputes and much pain, because the wounded one never wanted to get to the root cause of why he or she loves and then leaves them.  In time, they cheat and cheat some more on the gullible.

Like bored people get weary of old phones, manipulators get weary of old relationships.  They don't see the value of sticking it out with one person for as long as they live.  If you are not living your life in such a way that keeps someone interested, they will eventually stray especially if he or she is younger.  Young people have a lot they look forward to doing in the future and an uninteresting older person can and will be a burden sooner or later particularly if he or she is way past child-bearing years.

Charming anyone regardless of age is great if you can keep up the act.  However, as we know, who once charmed, we can't keep people interested forever.  You know when a relationship is headed south when the following is occurring:

1)  You are frequently bored in the relationship.
2)  You receive nothing mentally or physically from a partner.
3)  He or she doesn't bother to share anything of interest including future plans.
4)  Where he or she once included you in on event planning, there is no more of that and he or she may not even bother to call you about doing anything together.
5)  You feel like you are cramping his or her space whenever you are around him or her.
6) The charmer no longer makes time for you.  The excuse is always, "I'm busy...I don't have time.  Could you do that without me?"
7)  Refuses to deal with issues that are negatively impacting the relationship.

Nicholl McGuire

Friday

Watch Your Friends Around Your Young Partner



Sometimes men and women find the fruit that is already taken ripe for the picking.  Watch lustful family members and friends around your partner especially this holiday season.

Dating Older Men - No Longer Something the Young Woman Wants to Do

She started off thinking it was a wise decision to date someone older since she was quite mature for her age.  However, in time she realized that her attraction to older men wasn't really her own, but the persuasion of charmers is what captivated her. 

She talked herself into dating them.  There was the lawyer, a truck driver, a Marine, a businessman, a limo driver, a security officer, a computer technician and others--too many to count.  She was thrilled by their conversation, flattered by the time they were willing to spend with her, and excited to see that they weren't like the younger men who she dated that didn't have "a pot to piss in."

As she grew older, she realized that if she was going to have a quality relationship with someone, her connections would have to be closer to her own age, but all she seemed to attract were men who were 10 plus older than her.


You see, some young women reason that dating older is a great idea until they are impacted by the highs and lows that come with getting older.  They start to see their fathers and grandfathers in some of these men--often tired, difficult, stubborn, arrogant, or even bitter about getting older.  They give their wives and children hell too!  But the young lady says to herself, "But that is mom's relationship...and I don't think my date will act like my dad, grandfather or uncles..."  That is until the older suitors start exhibiting similar signs. Uh oh!  The power and control that many older men show toward their younger partners is not so attractive after all.  Care turns into possession.  Love turns into hate.  Patience turns into irritability.  Peace turns into chaos and some of you readers know the rest.  If you have ever been abused by an older or even a younger man, you know how the story goes, "When we first met, it was wonderful...he was such a gentleman...but then..."

There is an emotionally and/or physically abused young woman somewhere that is no longer finding dating older men fun, interesting or beneficial.  She has watched far too many times what appears to be a gentleman turn into a tyrant.  She has ached on the inside for every time she was rejected, cheated on, disrespected, and wounded once again by someone who is supposed to know better.  "He's older...he should know how to treat a woman.  He has a daughter for God sake!  Why does he treat me like this?  He reminds me so much of...what was I thinking!" she cries.

If you are that older man with a younger woman who is detecting that your on again off again girlfriend is losing interest in you, let her go--let her go.  This is when your maturity needs to kick in.  You might even want to consider taking a break from dating the young ladies especially when you have a long pattern of striking out with them--the arguments, silent treatment, spoiled girl behaviors, etc. 

The young lady has a long life ahead and chances are she has come to the realization that she is either better off alone or with someone closer to her age that she has more compatible interests.  But breaking up for good can be quite the challenge if one is still emotionally and physically tied to someone.  Holding on to an attractive young woman like a trophy piece will only make her feel worthless in time, because she knows that the connection is not what it appears to be--it's all just a fantasy; one that she no longer wants to play a part in.  There are older men who merely want young women for trivial reasons and vice versa.  True love goes beyond the flesh and material interests.

A young woman who has made up in her mind that dating older is no longer what she wants to do is liberating herself to explore her world with someone who can better relate one day.  It happens, people change. The young woman should give herself permission to move on, and as stated before, and so should the older man.

Nicholl McGuire

Monday

The Man in Denial About Being Old

He considers himself to be young, he chooses not to view himself to be old or getting older.  He desires a young woman to make him feel good inside.  She is to compliment him, make him smile, introduce him occasionally to what interests young people, be a good listener and a lover.  Seems simple enough?  Yet, the mature man, who is in denial about age and refuses to date anyone his own age or older, is complicated. 

Spend enough time with him and the aging man, who secretly hates getting older, starts to tire of all the attention his younger partner is getting, her interests, conversation and more is very different than his own.  Privately, he already knows that he doesn't feel or look as good as he once did and he hates to be reminded of it.  So the visits outside the bedroom with his young companion begin to lessen and he chooses to take comfort in his favorite chair at home.  He doesn't offer to take his girlfriend or mistress places for he knows what people will think when they pass the pair by.  The mature gentleman doesn't bother to have as much sex as he once did, because it is now a chore.  He isn't much interested in doing too much of anything when he isn't in denial. 

Yet, the older man, who fights the aging process like a boxer fighting another boxer in the ring, will not only deny he is getting older, but he will lose his cool with others who say anything about what he should do now that he is this age and that one.  He argues when someone mentions anything about age from looks to feelings.  He considers himself to be young for his age and it doesn't help when others inflate his already large ego.  He is not the least bit interested in women his own age, he scoffs at the mere mention of sticking with his own age group.  He challenges younger men who joke about his aging body.  He sulks when he loses.  If he is having a crisis of any sort, he refuses to admit it.  Family and friends who say that is what he is going through, he rejects them. 

So he scrolls the Internet, his phone, talks to young women..."They don't know what they are talking about, " he says.  "I'm not old."  People are such good liars.

Nicholl McGuire

Saturday

Warning for the Young Women - The Quiet and Gentle Older Men Who Change

He is kind, patient, and finds the time to do and say nice things for others.  The genuinely nice older gentleman is one of the best bachelors.  He enjoys his life immensely and the only thing that is missing is a steady companion.  When you meet him, you have struck gold!  He is loving and wants what is best for you.  You both are fortunate to connect with one another and you sincerely hope that your relationship is happy ever after.



Yet, people change and the man you first encountered days, weeks, or years ago is no exception.  Life throws a curve ball (financial challenges, difficult exes, bitter children, poor business decisions, etc.) and that quiet and gentle older man slowly turns into a distant older man with a lot on his mind and being in a relationship with his young companion is no longer a consideration.  His bodily issues get the best of him, his conversation isn't what it use to be, and he is seemingly disinterested in her and all that is connected with the young lady.

Young women who have dated, married or befriended older men who initially have a quiet and gentle spirit learn sooner or later that they just can't do much with easily distracted and self-absorbed men.  You either learn to tolerate them or move on.  As much as you would like to have that great guy again, he isn't coming back (at least not on a regular basis). His head, finances, and possibly energy is elsewhere.  Sure, you might see that sparkle in his eyes every now and again and may enjoy his company in spurts, but in time he is back to that person you would have never even looked at much less dated.

Older men who change so suddenly or gradually due to life challenges can be difficult for older women too since many mature ladies are also going through their changes (i.e. menopause).  The pair don't tend to get along either.  This is why for a number of couples they separate or divorce.  Things don't get much better between the older men with andropause and the young women with PMS related symptoms and more when the newness wears off too.  A grumpy older man is what he is and a young woman going through much is who she is.   Neither can positively influence the other for long before one or both grows weary of the other.

So these older, quiet gentle men who appear so warm and friendly, they exist, but beware of the changes ahead if you are younger.  However, keep in mind there are those who are mere actors and all that glitters isn't always gold with them.  They promise much but in the end, as we all know, many people break promises.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and other books.

Wednesday

Exercise and Health - It Makes a Difference

Take a moment and look around, what do you see on TV screens, social networking sites, on the street, and more?  Other than the attractive men and women, there are many who have let themselves go.  Their faces show that they have been through much.  Past break ups, financial challenges, emotional and/or physical pain, workplace issues, and more.  Where does all the stress go?  It shows up on their bodies.  Exercise and maintaining your health is important especially if you are dating or in a serious relationship with someone.

On another blog, I talked about "Midlife Mean" a stage in men's lives that make them easily angered and mistreat partners.  If one doesn't take care of his self he will be moody.  He also won't make for a good mate/lover/friend and the same is true if you are younger as well. 

Daily exercise such as walking, running, tending to household chores, and more will assist with one's health challenges, but he or she must also be willing to eat healthy too and watch his or her portion sizes and the times one chooses to eat and abstain from food too.  If you are having some health trouble, do take the time to make a doctor's appointment to find out what might be causing your symptoms.

If you have ever felt quite miserable after eating too much or even too little, you may have experienced a fluctuation in your mood, tiredness, irritability, and more.  Staying consistent in your eating and exercise habits as well as taking necessary supplements will uplift you mentally and physically.  Your partner will begin to notice a change in you and most likely will want to do similar things.

Part of having a quality relationship with someone is showing them just how much you love and appreciate them, but you also have to do the same for you too!  Take care of your body and it will take care of you!

Nicholl McGuire

Saturday

Disgruntled Ex, Unhappy Dating Younger, Older

They don't like it, they despise it, exes angry that their former partners have moved on with someone younger.  They thought that the marriage or relationship was going to last, "meant to be" and then things changed.  Now exes are disgruntled, jealous, and even plotting revenge!  How does someone in an age gap relationship handle an ex along with the family members and mutual friends who support him or her?

You will need to make it clear you are no longer interested in a relationship with an ex.  Some people just don't give up easy, so they will beg, plead, or even make a nuisance of themselves with "Remember when..." stories and "You know you still love me" types of phrases.  Yet, the truth is you want to get as far away from an ex as possible, right?  If not, don't play mind games with your current partner or else you lose.  For example, young, attractive women know they can replace older partners with ease. If an older man is still in love with an ex or is still caught up with an ex's sweet words and other niceties, then he needs to take the time to figure out his situation alone and disconnect from a current partner until he knows what he wants to do.  Stringing anyone along who you are unsure of while masking true feelings will cause much stress for the both of you.

Distance yourself emotionally and physically from exes.  This takes time but it can be done.  Don't discuss your personal life, decisions, or future with an ex.  He or she is really not your friend no matter how much you both might say you are.  What usually happens is a line or boundary you or an ex established is crossed sooner or later and when this happens whether a former partner was cross with you or flirtatious, you will experience guilty feelings, anger, and most likely will take your suppressed emotions out on your current partner.  Your unsuspecting and confused partner will not understand what is going on with you and your behavior just might lead to a major falling out or worse break up.

The phone conversations, invites to a meal, special events, and more cause unnecessary drama for new couples when exes are still around.  When you have children with an ex, you can still remain respectful but distant by not sharing details about your new life no matter how nosey or so called "caring" your ex is about you.  Oftentimes people use children as an excuse to keep an ex close or keep some kind of control over them.  Don't fall for the manipulation, rise above it and consult with an attorney or law enforcement if your ex is acting abusively or threatening to you or your new partner.

A new partner is only able to tolerate so much from a former partner or many.  You shouldn't expect him or her to be understanding when you still have unresolved issues with an ex or exes.  Always take care of your problems before you enter a new relationship and manage them while you are in one.  New relationships are challenging enough and the last thing anyone wants is a disgruntled, miserable, seductive, or vengeful ex around.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and She's Crazy.  Get your copy today!

Wednesday

Feeling Guilty About Dating Someone Younger, Older?

You were okay with the idea of dating someone older or younger until someone said something unflattering, you noticed stares from others, or your partner acted in a way that made you think, "What am I doing?"  You press forward dating the special someone anyway hoping that feelings of doubt, guilt, or worry will just go, but they don't.  You distract yourself from thinking negatively.  You look for the good in your connection.  You try real hard to make things work, but to no avail.  Ready to call it quits?

Feeling guilty about dating someone half your age or more or less is something that occurs when your dating out of the range that you are used to.  It's new, different and not everyone approves.  People have their share of hang-ups about getting older along with what they should and shouldn't do at certain ages so it isn't any surprise that someone or a group is giving you some flack about your choice in a partner.  But it's okay, you will survive the criticism.  If you really want to go all the way with the pretty young lady or mature gentleman, you will do it whether others like it or not.  Yet, if your personal concerns are getting the best of you lately, then you might as well talk about them with your companion and a therapist or counselor.  The last thing you want to do is one day commit to someone that you are really unsure about.

For older men they have their share of challenges about dating younger for obvious reasons that range from maturity level to health woes.  Then of course younger women are concerned about dating older men when they still very much value what others think, desire a family, and may not feel all that attracted to them as their partners age.  So there are those personal thoughts to consider, but above them all one must think, "Is this what I really want or am I just settling, trying a new experience until someone better comes along?"

Weigh in on your feelings and harness what is starting to make you feel so bad.  Could you be doing or saying something that makes you or your date feel awful about being together?  Are there unresolved issues of the past that are affecting your current relationship?  Does this person make you feel like you are dating a relative?  Ugh.  Whatever the issue might be, only you know what you can tolerate. 

Feeling a steady increase of guilt is a warning sign you just might need to slow down and avoid dating young or old.  You also might want to reconsider who you are confiding in about your relationship.  There are plenty of people who have their personal issues about age gap relationships while others are jealous and can only wish to attract a successful date or gorgeous young woman.  If you find that there is simply too much negativity coming from family, friends and others, you will need to spend some time away from them, sort out your feelings, and then make a decision whether the person you are with is really worth all the upset.  Once you know what you sincerely want, you introduce your partner to loved ones while making it clear how special he or she is to you.  When you take the relationship seriously, others will at the very least recognize that you deeply care for your companion and will back off if they want to keep a positive connection with you.

Don't allow guilt to get in the way of a potentially great relationship!

Nicholl McGuire

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